I’VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID TO BE IN THIS COUNTRY BEFORE, BUT I AM NOW

Let me start off by saying that I acknowledge that this blog post title is coming from a place of EXTREME white, female, cisgender privilege. And I’m not going to apologize for that or get any further into that. Because I can’t help where, how, and under what circumstances I came into this world. And neither can you. We work with what we have. And I also think that in light of the recent overturning of Roe vs. Wade, it’s not helpful to blame or bash other women, or men, or races, or classes, for what has happened. Even if certain races, classes, and genders are to blame. Instead, I think it’s time for the sane and kind human beings of this country to come together and protect one another. Because I’m really very afraid to be in this country right now. And I think the people with their souls still in tact need to stick together. Continue reading I’VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID TO BE IN THIS COUNTRY BEFORE, BUT I AM NOW

IMAGINE IF YOU WERE JOBLESS FOR 10 YEARS STRAIGHT

Firstly, this isn’t a post about being jobless. It’s about being single. And I’m just warning you, this might be another “please feel sorry for me” post. So I’m apologizing in advance. However, I was trying to think of a way to explain what it’s like to be perpetually single for close to two decades. And how truly wrong it feels to experience relationship scarcity for an extended period of time. So, this is what I came up with. And am asking you for a moment, to imagine that jobless-ness and single-ness are one and the same. And in this post, I’m going to break down what it might look and feel like to be jobless for 10 years. When in reality, I’m just talking about myself, and swapping out love for work. Make sense? Then, let’s go! Continue reading IMAGINE IF YOU WERE JOBLESS FOR 10 YEARS STRAIGHT

FLORENCE, FIONA, AND I MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON

This post is going to be a bit self-indulgent and rather obnoxious, I fear. But, I’m trying my best to just feel better about things. And it’s a full moon right now, so my emotions and thoughts are super intense at this current time. Anyway, as I was feeling sorry for myself about my plight (perpetual singleness at age 42), something occurred to me. And I thought about how if I was happy in a relationship, I probably wouldn’t have as much to share on my blog. Or with others in general. Because when I’m tortured, I’m constantly learning. And constantly creating. So, just like Florence Welch and Fiona Apple, two of the most romantically angsty musical artists I know, perhaps my pains are not in vain. Continue reading FLORENCE, FIONA, AND I MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON

I KEEP LOOKING OUTSIDE OF MYSELF FOR LOVE AND HAPPINESS

I think I’m doing this whole life thing wrong at the moment. Because I know on paper, the wiser rules say that we have to be happy with ourselves first before we can love another. And I’m not saying I’m not happy with myself. I really do love myself, even more now than I ever have. My heartbreaking breakup really sent me that gift. And yet, when I hear people say that all the love we need is within ourselves, I get confused. I wonder how someone can be fine if they lost their partner. Or went their whole lives without someone to share it with. And I know it’s wrong, but I have to admit, that right now, I keep looking outside of myself for love and happiness. And I’m not sure what to do about this. Continue reading I KEEP LOOKING OUTSIDE OF MYSELF FOR LOVE AND HAPPINESS

IMAGINE YOURSELF FLOATING IN A RIVER

Okay, I’m not sure where I’m going to go with this post as of now. But hang in there with me and let’s just see. This post was inspired by a newsletter I read this morning in which a woman named Pamela Kribbe channeled a message from Mother Earth. If you’re not into this kind of thing, you can still get something from this post and this quote. Because this quote was essentially asking us to imagine ourselves floating in a river. And to feel what it feels like to just let go. As if the river represents our world and our life as we currently know it. Continue reading IMAGINE YOURSELF FLOATING IN A RIVER

I HATE MEDITATING, BUT I DO IT ANYWAY

I’ve gone in circles so many times about this topic. And I’ve written multiple posts about my “journey” with meditation. I have had a very stop and start kind of relationship with this practice, and I’m essentially super half-assed about it. So, in this post, I’m not going to try to come across as some meditation goddess. Because I am so not. And instead, I’m going to do what I do best. Which is tell the truth about how I actually feel. Because if I’m being honest, I hate meditating. I really and truly hate it. But, I do it anyway. And I’m not even sure why. But, I’ll try to explain below. Continue reading I HATE MEDITATING, BUT I DO IT ANYWAY

PANCAKES AND BACON MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER

Okay, so this post is not about pancakes and bacon. But I will say that when things in life disappoint you, I think it’s important to take the time to treat yourself. For me, on this day, that translated to pancakes and bacon. We all have things that don’t go the way we want them to. And most of you know by now that my love life has not really been going the way I have wanted it to go. Ever since my breakup six months ago, I’ve been grieving and dating. Dating and grieving. And I’m doing pretty great, all things considered. However, today, the day this guy decided to let go of things, is a day I needed to give myself some pancakes and bacon. And just let myself feel bummy. So, that’s what I’m doing. Continue reading PANCAKES AND BACON MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER

I WILL NEVER REALLY KNOW MY MOTHER, BUT I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I DO KNOW

At the suggestion of my blogging bestie, Moksha of The Happy Panda, I’m going to attempt to begin a series of mother-related posts. My mother was a fascinating character, and I agree that her life story is one worth sharing. I will try to keep this relatively chronological. However, her life was quite chaotic. And my perception of her and her life was and is equally quite splotchy. Also, this is a person’s life. It’s their work of art, and this can never be comprehensively scoped. Especially because my mother is no longer here to fill in the blanks. But, I will do my best. Continue reading I WILL NEVER REALLY KNOW MY MOTHER, BUT I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I DO KNOW

CHILDLESS, SINGLE WOMEN OVER 40 GET NO LOVE

I really don’t want to tackle this post, because it’s not something I love thinking about. However, I do think it’s important to bring this perspective into the light. Since it’s not spoken about very often. At least, I don’t come across it very often. Because the truth is, single women over 40 who do not have children, really have a rough time holding their heads high in society. At least, I do. And it’s a tricky topic because women have all sorts of reasons for being over 40 and childless. Some women are there by choice, and others, not so much. But I think there are a LOT of childless, single women over 40, and I think they hide out like I do, managing their shame and embarrassment behind closed doors. And this blog post is my way of attempting to overcome at least a little bit of those negative feelings. Continue reading CHILDLESS, SINGLE WOMEN OVER 40 GET NO LOVE