This post was originally published by the lovely Wonani, on her beautiful blog, Dose of Wonani. And in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, she put out a call to those wanting to write a love letter to someone. As most of you know, “I Lost My Dream Life 12 Days Before Christmas,” and am still in the throes of grieving. It was a no-brainer then, for me to write out a Valentine’s Day letter to my ex. Gulp. I have to admit, I really have NO problems sharing much of anything about myself. But, this one makes me feel a bit more exposed than normal. Which is also why I love doing it!
Thank you all, for being my witness to this process, for not judging me (at least not to my face), and for supporting me. I love you all, truly! xo
I was missing you last night. Or, maybe I was just missing having someone. I was watching a TV show and the woman needed someone to help take her to the bathroom after her surgery. And because her husband had just passed, her friends were helping her around the clock. And I felt scared and sad because I no longer have you here with me. I could oddly relate to her widowed state.
I’m perfectly healthy right now. But, I really miss how you made me feel so safe and cared for. Whenever we would have tornado warnings, and I would feel so afraid, I would just pray thank you to my angels that I was able to go through that with you, and not have to go through it alone. And now, I’m alone. And I’m getting by okay, better than I thought. You’d be surprised, actually. But I don’t like this, and I still may not ever understand it.
I was thinking the other day how much this hurts. Because I showed up to our relationship, every day, for three and a half years, as my complete self. I was 100% authentic throughout the whole thing. And you, for whatever reason, decided that what I was offering just wasn’t what you were looking for. Ouch. I do know you never meant to hurt me. And at this point, I’m tired of going around in circles in my mind trying to figure out the why of it all. The point is, now, you’re not here with me, and I thought you always would be. And this sucks.
I made French toast this morning for myself, and it was fun. But I couldn’t help but think of all the mornings I made fun breakfast for us. And we would spend lazy days, doing our own thing, and then checking in with each other for hugs and kisses, snuggles, and conversation. That’s all I ever want in life, and I was so fucking happy with you. I wish you would have been that happy with me too. But I must believe that if you walked away from this, then it wasn’t meant to be. And that I’ll find beautiful love with someone else.
It’s been 48 days since you broke up with me and left our apartment. And I hope in time I will be able to let go of you. But for today, I miss you.Love, Libby
I don’t plan to send this letter to my ex. And I would seriously be fine if he never saw it. Although, I don’t have anything to hide, so if he happened to read it, that would be okay too.
I plan to have a beautiful Valentine’s Day this year, regardless of my relationship status. I really do love this holiday, because I’m such a sucker for romance. So, I plan to get my absolute favorite drug store Whitman’s Sampler candy box for myself. And other than that, I’ll just be extra special good to myself on this holiday. I deserve it. And so does everyone!
Cream-filled, powdered doughnuts, made with love by Amish families, make everything better. Thank you Beiler’s Doughnuts for always being amazing!
THANK YOU FOR READING!
Firstly, Happy Valentine’s Day! How are you choosing to celebrate? Or not celebrate? Have you ever written a “letter to my ex” kind of letter? You know I would love to hear from you!
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Featured photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
Handwritten love photo by John Jennings on Unsplash