I don’t know if it’s because Mercury is in Retrograde, or what. This planet retrogrades from May 29th to June 22nd 2021, and with this galactic chaos comes implicit problems with communication and technology, among other things. I openly admit that I do not do well when things are out of my control. And a lot of adulting often consists of dealing with shit that I don’t have much control over. I can typically handle this kind of thing in small doses. But as this retrograde unfolds, and more and more shit becomes uncontrollable, I’m finding that adulting is hard, and I’m super struggling with it right now.
əˈdəltiNG | noun | informal
“the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.”-Oxford Languages
MEDITATION TO COPE WITH ADULTING
So, I’m not going to get into meditation much during this article. Mostly because I am the worst meditator in the history of meditating human beings, and I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I have this terrible habit of starting a “meditation practice” and announcing my commitment to the world. And then I quit about three weeks later. The thing is, meditating is great for when I feel like shit. But when I’m feeling pretty even keel, I can’t seem to motivate myself. However, I dabbled a bit this morning with meditation, because I am just feeling that crazy.
Here is one of my previous and fabulous articles about meditation, written when I was really in the flow and reaping all of the rewards: THE BENEFITS OF MEDITATION FOR CONTROL FREAKS.
STRESS DRAWING TO COPE WITH ADULTING
I was so stressed this morning (reason forthcoming) that I even started stress drawing again. Stress drawing is kind of the equivalent of a stream of consciousness exercise, but using imagery instead of words. I haven’t done this since mid-2020 when the anxiety of quarantine and Covid-19 was getting the better of me. The stress drawing really, really helped. And as a bonus, I have a few super kick ass sketches to show for it.
Crown Chakra, graphite on paper, 11″ x 15″ 2020 © Libby Saylor
CREDIT CARD DRAMA
Okay, so, life happens. All of the time, life is happening. And most of the time, life consists of a lot of mundane stuff.
- Teeth brushing
- Tea brewing
- Plant watering
- Email answering
- Meal making
- Water drinking
- Bathroom going
- Grocery list writing
- Laundry folding
- Bill paying
Wait, stop right there. Bill paying. It’s honestly one of the funnest things for me. You know why? Because I get to CONTROL all of it! I get to organize my budget every week, and make lists of expenses. It plays into all of my Virgo assets and I get to exert all of my Virgo gifts into my money management tasks. I love counting my money (even if it’s just a few bucks!) and measuring how much I have saved. I adore planning, and controlling my money makes me feel secure. It’s all such a dream for me.
So, when this area of my life becomes chaotic in any way, I like, can’t deal.
I found a fraudulent charge on my credit card last week. The charge was for a scary amount of money. However, I reported it right away. And my credit card company immediately cancelled my card, sent me a new one, and is currently working on crediting my balance. Great, all good, right? I can handle that. Minor hiccup. It sucked, but I wasn’t like, losing my cool. I was full on adulting and doing a good job with it. Like, I don’t even need a pat on the back or anything. It’s like what we all just need to deal with at times.
Today, however, I received a call from my credit card company letting me know that there has been a new fraudulent charge on the NEW CREDIT CARD that I haven’t even yet received in the mail! #mercuryretrogradesucks
ADULTING IS HARD, BUT MANAGEABLE
Okay, so yeah, this really sucks. But honestly, I do think this still falls under the category of your basic adulting bullshit. Credit cards get hacked. Keys get lost. Fender benders happen. And major inconveniences like leaky rooves happen all of the time, to all of us. And some of it can be really fucked up, cost a lot to fix, and stress people out to no end.
I suppose it concerns me that I’m not handling very well something fairly minor in the grand scheme of things. I feel super depressed as of this morning, post-credit-card-company-phone-call. And I feel fear and anxiety. I feel threatened and insecure, and I’m just super rattled and upset.
AM I BEING TOO HARD ON MYSELF? DOES THIS DRAMA REALLY WARRANT AN ANXIETY SPIRAL OR DO I JUST NEED TO GET A HANDLE ON MY ADULTING EMOTIONS?
When I’m anxious, I tend to catastrophize a lot more than usual. And in general, I can be a fairly
dramatic passionate intense person. So, it’s not like I’m being out of character, writing a whole blog post about the emotions surrounding my credit card sitch. I haven’t yet texted all of my friends to tell them the news, but I’m on the brink, and it’ll happen shortly.
I’m just wondering though, how do “normal” and “more adult-like” human beings handle this kind of thing? As always, when I’m anxious, I gotta get it out. I gotta talk, or write, or draw about it. In this case, all three. But do other, more adaptable people just silently deal and move on? Am I behaving like a huge child for stressing about this? What is wrong with me that I find it almost impossible to have a good day, or be in a good mood, until all of this gets resolved?
GROWTH IN MY ADULTING JOURNEY
I do believe that cultivating hope, optimism, and trust is part of my growth as an adult. These are not qualities I typically gravitate towards. Not because I think they are lame or unnecessary. On the contrary. These beautiful golden jewels of perspective just feel so untouchable for me. They are so much higher than the realm of fear I currently reside in.
From my years of experience with darkness, transformation, and growth, I have learned a few things. And I do know for certain that if I open myself just a tiny bit, even in the slightest, most microscopic way, I have made room for the light to enter. However, in these moments of darkness, and constriction, and fear, it can feel really hard to open, even microscopically. I instead want to shut down, and close off, and curl up, and hide. But, simply creating that small crack in my armor, that is just narrow enough to allow some light to pass through, can make all the difference.
HOW DO WE LET IN THE LIGHT?
There are so many ways to let the light in when all we want to do is hide. We are not required to break wide open in these moments. We do not have to force ourselves to feel what we don’t authentically feel. We just have to stretch, like a millimeter. That’s all. So, what does this look like?
- We can pray, if praying is our thing.
- This blog post 100% counts as my way of trying to open just a bit.
- We can spend 10 seconds thinking of something happy. I know this sounds like no big deal, but in these moments, 10 seconds can feel excessively long.
- We can take a detox shower.
- We can take 10 deep breaths while we make a cup of tea.
- We can say an affirmation out loud or in our minds, such as, “I open myself to change.”
The possibilities are endless, honestly. The key is, we have to make a conscious choice to pivot, and then take deliberate action in the direction of happy. But again, getting out of your chair counts as deliberate action. It’s a small requirement. When you are in this dark of a space, The Goddesses know you are suffering, and don’t need you to bust a gasket. They just need a little signal that you’re ready to collaborate.
AND THEN, YOU WAIT
This part sounds like the hardest. But honestly, pivoting is harder. The moment when you decide you want something better for yourself is the most challenging, and takes the most amount of strength. However, in the waiting, all you have to do is let go. The hardest part is over. Now, let go, and wait for care to come. It will come. It may come in the form of a slightly uplifted mood. Or, it may come in the form of actual resolution to a problem. Allow The Universe and The Goddesses to help you in the way they see most fit.
They know more than we do. Period. Our happiness is their happiness, so they won’t lead us astray. Just wait.
I also think that this ends up being a lot about acceptance. Sometimes, things are pretty awesome in life. And sometimes, things just kind of suck. The bad stuff always passes though. This too shall pass. I have been in this place before, and have also mentioned this in my article, SURRENDER TO THE INEVITABLE EBBS OF LIFE. It’s all the same stuff, really.
My challenge is to practice more and more, the art of accepting life on life’s terms. It’s not always glam and fab. It’s also not always interesting or dramatic. Sometimes, it’s downright boring AF. But how beautiful that we get to live through all the changes? It’s like standing outside for 365 days of the year, watching the leaves fall, and the snowflakes land, and the flowers bloom, and the sun bake everything. What a gift to live amidst it all.
THANK YOU FOR READING
Thanks for listening to me rant on this one, and I hope you found some comfort in the relatability of it all. Do you ever struggle with adulting like I do? Are you calm in the face of chaos? Have you been frustrated by Mercury Retrograde?!
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Featured photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash
Credit card photo by Pickawood on Unsplash
Hand photo by Cherry Laithang on Unsplash