IMAGINE IF YOU WERE JOBLESS FOR 10 YEARS STRAIGHT

Firstly, this isn’t a post about being jobless. It’s about being single. And I’m just warning you, this might be another “please feel sorry for me” post. So I’m apologizing in advance. However, I was trying to think of a way to explain what it’s like to be perpetually single for close to two decades. And how truly wrong it feels to experience relationship scarcity for an extended period of time. So, this is what I came up with. And am asking you for a moment, to imagine that jobless-ness and single-ness are one and the same. And in this post, I’m going to break down what it might look and feel like to be jobless for 10 years. When in reality, I’m just talking about myself, and swapping out love for work. Make sense? Then, let’s go! Continue reading IMAGINE IF YOU WERE JOBLESS FOR 10 YEARS STRAIGHT

FLORENCE, FIONA, AND I MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON

This post is going to be a bit self-indulgent and rather obnoxious, I fear. But, I’m trying my best to just feel better about things. And it’s a full moon right now, so my emotions and thoughts are super intense at this current time. Anyway, as I was feeling sorry for myself about my plight (perpetual singleness at age 42), something occurred to me. And I thought about how if I was happy in a relationship, I probably wouldn’t have as much to share on my blog. Or with others in general. Because when I’m tortured, I’m constantly learning. And constantly creating. So, just like Florence Welch and Fiona Apple, two of the most romantically angsty musical artists I know, perhaps my pains are not in vain. Continue reading FLORENCE, FIONA, AND I MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON

I KEEP LOOKING OUTSIDE OF MYSELF FOR LOVE AND HAPPINESS

I think I’m doing this whole life thing wrong at the moment. Because I know on paper, the wiser rules say that we have to be happy with ourselves first before we can love another. And I’m not saying I’m not happy with myself. I really do love myself, even more now than I ever have. My heartbreaking breakup really sent me that gift. And yet, when I hear people say that all the love we need is within ourselves, I get confused. I wonder how someone can be fine if they lost their partner. Or went their whole lives without someone to share it with. And I know it’s wrong, but I have to admit, that right now, I keep looking outside of myself for love and happiness. And I’m not sure what to do about this. Continue reading I KEEP LOOKING OUTSIDE OF MYSELF FOR LOVE AND HAPPINESS

PANCAKES AND BACON MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER

Okay, so this post is not about pancakes and bacon. But I will say that when things in life disappoint you, I think it’s important to take the time to treat yourself. For me, on this day, that translated to pancakes and bacon. We all have things that don’t go the way we want them to. And most of you know by now that my love life has not really been going the way I have wanted it to go. Ever since my breakup six months ago, I’ve been grieving and dating. Dating and grieving. And I’m doing pretty great, all things considered. However, today, the day this guy decided to let go of things, is a day I needed to give myself some pancakes and bacon. And just let myself feel bummy. So, that’s what I’m doing. Continue reading PANCAKES AND BACON MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER

EMERGING LIKE A PHOENIX IN MY ROMANTIC LIFE

I’m going to keep this post a bit vague and brief (I think), because I don’t exactly know what’s happening yet. However, I’ve been feeling really, really good lately. Despite being 5 months out of a heart-wrenching breakup. And over the last few weeks, I feel like I’ve been emerging like a Phoenix in more ways than one. But I’ve been most Phoenix-like when it comes to my romantic life. And I’ve honestly been thinking, feeling, and doing things I’ve NEVER done before! It’s truly amazing what happens when unexpected loss happens in life. If we can surrender to the grieving process and tap into our hearts. Continue reading EMERGING LIKE A PHOENIX IN MY ROMANTIC LIFE

IT’S TIME TO LET MY EX GO, FOR REAL

It’s going on almost five months now since I Lost My Dream Life 12 Days Before Christmas when my ex broke up with me. And I’ve been working through my grief in such a positive way. I have reached a point where I can go a few days without crying, can experience utter joy, and feel hope for the future. However, over the last week, I was starting to feel more intense sadness about him. Sadness I hadn’t felt since the very beginning of my grieving process. And I started to wonder if this was possibly him and not me. I’ll explain more below. And so, even though there’s a huge part of me that doesn’t want to, I realized yesterday that I need to let my ex go at a much deeper level. And this involves mustering up the courage to do a cord cutting. Continue reading IT’S TIME TO LET MY EX GO, FOR REAL

THE TEARS ARE STILL FLOWING, BUT IT’S OKAY

I was on my couch last night, having a perfectly fine evening. My belly was full after eating a delicious meal of chick pea masala, brown rice, a salad, and a glass of wine. And I was sitting down to watch the finale of Spring Baking Championship on Food Network. When quite suddenly, I just began crying, and crying, and crying. And it still kind of amazes me that after almost 5 months following my heart-wrenching breakup, the tears are still flowing. But, it’s okay, and I’m okay. Continue reading THE TEARS ARE STILL FLOWING, BUT IT’S OKAY

FINDING OUR WAY TO LOVE

This is the fifth post of my “Real and Raw” guest post series. And I love that Chartel Findlater decided to tackle my favorite topic of all…relationships! And honestly, when you read her beautiful words, you will find that this is less about relationships and dating, and more about self-love and growth. Chartel speaks like a goddess. A goddess who has suffered some blows, walked away with some battle scars, yet picked herself up and kept going. I could cry just thinking about how WORTH IT we all are, despite how hard things can get sometimes. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart and intimacy. Continue reading FINDING OUR WAY TO LOVE

THE BEST WAY TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF IS WITH SELF-TALK

Ever since I Lost My Dream Life 12 Days Before Christmas, I have been on an intense healing journey. Actually, I could say that I’ve been on a healing journey for most of my life. However, this journey was kicked into high gear when I was abruptly dumped by the person I thought I would be with forever. And as I’ve been processing the grief, the rejection, and the unbearable pain of missing him, I’ve also been reexamining myself. I’ve really been taking a look at the way I feel about myself, and how I much I love myself. And when I REALLY and truly take a good look at this, I see there is so much more room to expand. And only because I have been hearing about this idea so much lately, have I really begun to consider the concept of how to fall in love with yourself. Continue reading THE BEST WAY TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF IS WITH SELF-TALK

MY DEEPEST INSECURITIES THAT I DON’T THINK ARE TRUE

I’ve been feeling the need to get in touch with my deepest insecurities. Because after my painful breakup, I have been feeling so gross about myself, and so unlovable. And all of my false confidences that have carried me through for years are no longer staying strong. Instead, they have been replaced by my darkest warts. Or rather, my warts were always there, and my false confidences were like a hot pink cape, shielding said warts from the light of day. And yet, there’s also a part of me that KNOWS my warts are an illusion. And are really just small invitations for healing. That is why I’m so grateful for this blog. Because here, I can unearth these things, and sort them out through my words. I can untie the knots and make sense of it all. My blog has forever been, and will hopefully always be, my tool for healing. Continue reading MY DEEPEST INSECURITIES THAT I DON’T THINK ARE TRUE