I just listened to an Insights at the Edge podcast episode about grief. And since that’s where I’m at right now, I was drawn to learning more about this process. In the episode, “Finding Meaning in Our Grief” with David Kessler, he talks about his experience researching buffalos. And how buffalos run towards a storm in order to minimize the time of their discomfort. Meaning, the anticipation and fear of the storm, is almost worse than the storm itself. So, the buffalos wisely just want to get it over with. Buffalos run towards a storm in order to preserve their sanity, I suppose. And I COMPLETELY feel the same as those badass buffalos, and have always tried to deal with my pain in this way. Because it really does seem to help.
You can read about the cause of my current grief in my article, “I Lost My Dream Life 12 Days Before Christmas.”
RUNNING TOWARDS MY GRIEF STORM
I’ve been seriously likening my grieving period to the stomach flu. And I have been likening my tears to vomit. My grief process has almost felt exactly the same. And it goes something like this:
At first I feel fine, and I’m moving about my day. But then, all of a sudden, I feel something kinda lurking. I try to put it out of my mind. But the more I try, the worse it gets. Until finally, I just decide to let it go. And I start retching in tearful pain, gasping and snotting, feeling all of my feels. And then it’s out of me, and I feel a bit better, albeit exhausted and emotionally spent.
The only shit part about grief, is that it lasts WAY longer than a stomach flu. So, grieving the loss of my relationship, is kind of like having a stomach flu for weeks, or months (however long this ends up lasting, Goddesses help me).
And just as buffalos run towards a storm, I have been finding that the sooner I lean into that icky, lurking, ominous, pre-emotional eruption discomfort, the faster I’m through it. And it’s true, as much as feeling all of my feelings SUCKS, the anticipation and dread before the episode, feels more like death. Honestly, they both suck, it’s true. But, I do feel better, sooner, if I deal with it quicker. It’s like a non-procrastination approach to emotions. And this is working for me at the moment, and honestly always has.
MY BELIEF ABOUT TEARS AND EMOTIONS
I do believe that in the case of grief, the tears and emotions need to come up and out. Because leaving them inside of your system would be like leaving the vomit in your tummy. And puking happens for a reason. It happens because your body has detected a poison or a toxin. And it wants to get it out of your system as soon as possible, in order to protect your body from other issues. Yeah, it feels like shit when we have to expel the gunk. But, it’s our body’s way of taking care of itself. And I do believe that crying tears, and emotional release, are our soul’s way of taking care of itself.
METHODS OF BRAVING THE STORM
So, once I’m actually in the storm, what have I been doing to get through it as quickly as possible? Two things have been helping. They are both very new to me at the moment, but I feel a sense of relief with both.
#1. I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO MYSELF OUT LOUD AS I CRY
You can read more about this in my article, “Channeled Wisdom, Directly From My Heart.” I basically just start opening my mouth to speak as the tears are falling. And it really feels like a release when I start doing it. I remember reading once about how pain and emotions are stored in our bodies, and making sounds with our voices, is one way to release the actual, physical, pent-up energy. And from my experience, it’s been so true.
“Your voice is a reflection of all your past experiences, beliefs and emotions. The energy of these past experiences, beliefs and emotions are held in your muscle memory, the physical cell vibration of your body, and sound acts like a key to unlock them, so that you feel free to share your voice.”-Judith Quin, Your Whole Voice
#2. WRITING TO YOU, AND TO HIM
Okay, let me clarify. Writing to you, via my blog, has been so profoundly healing, I can’t even describe my gratitude. And the supportive feedback, comments, and loving sentiments have been like lifelines for me. Thank you!
Regarding “him,” this is another matter. I don’t think it’s wise for me to communicate very much with the ex who dumped me. But, I can write him a letter, as if I were to send it for real, making sure I hold nothing back. And this has also been a beautiful release for me.
DON’T JUST TALK ABOUT DOING IT, BUT ACTUALLY DO IT
These ideas sound so simple. But really, the act of physically doing them is where the real healing happens. I get in my body, and just hunker down and do it. I let myself cry and open my mouth to speak through tears. And I sit down to write a letter to him, and say whatever the fuck I want. Again, thinking about doing it, or reading about doing it, and actually doing it, are vastly different.
The doing it is where the healing happens. Because healing the right way must be a holistic process. I can’t just heal my mind, or just my heart. I have to heal my mind, body, and soul all together. These entities all rely upon one another. And the “doing it” part is where the body comes in. My soul and mind have been constantly hard at work since my break-up. And so now, linking up the body with the rest of this process, is what’s helping me today.
THANK YOU FOR READING!
Did you know that buffalos run towards a storm? Isn’t that fascinating?! And how do you deal with your pain or fear? Do you approach like a buffalo? Or more like a mouse? Neither one are right or wrong! This is just working for me. And I would love to hear what has worked for you!
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Featured photo by Pete Nuij on Unsplash
Incoming thunderstorm photo by NOAA on Unsplash
Writing in a journal photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash
Snow-covered buffalo photo by Daniel Lloyd Blunk-Fernández on Unsplash