I’m going to keep this post a bit vague and brief (I think), because I don’t exactly know what’s happening yet. However, I’ve been feeling really, really good lately. Despite being 5 months out of a heart-wrenching breakup. And over the last few weeks, I feel like I’ve been emerging like a Phoenix in more ways than one. But I’ve been most Phoenix-like when it comes to my romantic life. And I’ve honestly been thinking, feeling, and doing things I’ve NEVER done before! It’s truly amazing what happens when unexpected loss occurs in life. If we can surrender to the grieving process and tap into our hearts.
“The phoenix is an immortal bird associated with Greek mythology (with analogs in many cultures) that cyclically regenerates or is otherwise born again. Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor. Some legends say it dies in a show of flames and combustion, others that it simply dies and decomposes before being born again.”
–Wikipedia
I NO LONGER FEEL ASHAMED ABOUT BEING SINGLE
I was climbing up the steps to my apartment a few days ago, and I had a bunch of crap in my arms. One of these arm items was a lamp that I had just purchased and the cord was dragging behind me. It was a total tripping hazard! Anyway, as I was struggling with this cumbersomeness, a thought flashed through my brain. And I realized that the old me would have instantly thought:
“I hate this, I wish I had help. If I had a partner, he would be here to help me carry all of this stuff. But because I don’t, I’m struggling and all alone and this sucks.”
-the former me
However, on this day, instead, I realized that the old me used to have this kind of thought almost all of the time. Literally, almost every time I entered my apartment with things in my hands. For years, I had this thought. And in that moment of realization, I also realized that I felt SO happy lugging all of my goodies into my apartment. And not BECAUSE I was alone. But, it was like I was detached from that old sad story about being single. The crap in my arms had nothing to do with my singleness, and I was able to just feel happy after having a lovely afternoon, purchasing an adorable lamp from my local thrift shop.
I feel like I’m emerging like a Phoenix, letting go of the old stories I used to tell myself about being single. I’m leaving those ashes behind and spreading my wings, opening myself to so much more joy and peace, in moments great and small.
MY ATTITUDE ABOUT DATING IS CHANGING
I have been on a few dates with very nice men since I’ve been newly single. And through the process of getting back out there, chatting with guys, and meeting up with them, I’ve finally reached a conclusion. At least for now. That unless I’m really, really excited about someone, I’m really okay to stay single for now.
This might sound like a perfectly logical and healthy way to be. However, for those who know me best, they will tell you that I’ve NEVER EVER EVER had this mindset about my love life before. I was always constantly and desperately searching. Never content to just be on my own for the time being. Always wanting to give every dating opportunity a chance. For fear of never having another opportunity again. And for thinking I’m not worth taking my time to find someone who is very well suited for me. Basically, I just used to grab any guy who was willing to be with me, as long as he checked a few basic boxes. Honestly, my standards have always been quite low, for most of my life.
And now, I’m just feeling so peaceful and content in my single life. And I’m not putting down my love search forever. I want to be partnered, I truly do. But, I’m no longer in a rush. And I’m not desperate to transcend my current situation. My current situation is in fact pretty awesome, and I’m enjoying myself immensely. So, I really have no interest in giving that up until a super awesome match comes along.
This is just where I’m at right now, so we’ll see how long this lasts. But honestly, it feels so good to feel this relaxed about my love life.
I’M LISTENING TO MY HEART
The heart speaks SO much more softly than the mind. So, sometimes it’s really hard to hear her. Unless you take the time to really listen. And when I really listen, lately, I have been hearing something that I’ve never heard before. I’ve been hearing guidance to just relax. Because it feels like there is actually someone out there waiting and looking for me. And I don’t need to do anything to bring it about. I don’t need to force things, or push, or obsess, or worry. I just need to keep being happy and open.
You might enjoy my post about, “Heart Chakra Healing.”
This gentle heart voice also has such “emerging like a phoenix” vibes. Because I’ve also never been able to feel relaxed enough in my path to love, to truly listen to my heart. I’ve always led with such fear. And have always been so scared about never finding anyone. But for whatever reason, I just don’t feel scared anymore. And it feels amazing.
THANK YOU FOR READING!
So, there you have it folks, I told you this would be a short one! Tell me, have you ever felt like you were emerging like a phoenix at some point in your life? If so, what was happening? I would love to hear about it!! xo
Being silly with my sister and brother-in-law, trying on a tube top over my clothes for no reason whatsoever. Except because it’s silly and fun!
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PHOTO CREDITS
Featured photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
Phoenix photo obtained here
Burning feather photo obtained here
Sounds like a great mindset. Here’s to finding happiness with or without someone else.
Thank you Pete!!!
So happy that you’re emerging stronger through this. And yayay to being okay being single. We can do it all on our own till we find someone that makes us not want to do stuff alone. ❤️
Libby, so glad you’re starting to find hope and happiness where you are in your journey (I knew you’d get there)! You’ve done so much work on yourself since the day things fell apart in your relationship and I am so happy to see you feel better about yourself! For me, the thing that always helped me keep a balanced perspective was that I wasn’t going to be single forever, so I tried to always enjoy every stage of my life as it were… savour the moments we have, sort of, so to speak.. 🙂
Yes that’s so true! Thank u so much Jen!! xoxox
Thirty-three years ago, I was where you are now. I had decided it would be OK for me to stay single, though like you I was still looking. At that time, I had an attitude of strength in who I was and was determined, though probably subconsciously, that whoever I paired up with would accept and appreciate that in our life together.
Looking back, I joked about how my now-ex wanted to know, when we first got together, where I was and when I was coming home. I was pregnant at the time so I laughed it off and continued to do so through most of our marriage. Long story short, at the end, I guess it turned out he had stopped appreciating and accepting that in me, probably because I had made the choice to care for my widowed mother and not my alcoholic spouse.
Now I am heading back to the point in my singleness where you are now i.e. realizing I can care and do for myself most of the time. Sometimes now I still feel a little insecure when it comes to making the decisions I used to leave to him, mostly about mechanical and electrical things. I’m sure, though, I will reach the point where I feel more comfortable relying on friends and family for those things. Come to think of it, that’s what I did when I was single 33 years ago.
Wow thank you so much for sharing your story! Yes, I struggle to with a bit of fear in handling things I’m not used to handling. But I also think no one should have to do anything alone and friends and family are so valuable to rely on! Best of luck to you on your journey!!! It sounds like you’re in a really good place 💖💖💖
Hoo boy do I relate to always having to jump from one relationship to another. I used to be that guy too. Maybe it was because I attached my self-worth to being attractive to someone else. Not the best foundation to build relationships on.
And I truly agree that our heart speaks so much softer than our minds. I like to think of it as our true self versus our ego. Our true self is very assured and loving, but we often discount it because it doesn’t yell the same way our ego does. The more we learn to listen though, the louder that voice gets, and it’s never wrong.
Anyway, if I were to rise like a phoenix, now would probably be a good time, because my career has been in the dumps for a while now.
Thanks for sharing your story, and wishing you all the best, Libby!
Oh thank you for sharing this Stuart, I love hearing this from your perspective. And I hate to say, because I don’t want you to be suffering, but it’s always comforting to hear when others can relate to my plight. So thank you for this 💖💖