I recently shared that “I’m Back On The Dating Apps And I’m Optimistic!” However, it takes a LOT of optimism, hope, trust, and good friends, to stay emotionally afloat in the online dating world. Luckily, I have all of those things at my disposal, so I’m managing just fine so far. Still, after one lame chat with one lame person, one can easily become disillusioned and cynical about the whole dang thing. But, for whatever reason, last night, after meditating with the goddesses before bed, I decided something. As I lay my head down on my pillow, I could feel the truth of it in my bones. And I decided that no matter what, I refuse to be miserable as a single person. Even though I’m coming out of a heart-wrenching breakup, and have all the reason in the world to feel sorry for myself and to be miserable, I’m just not going to go there. And it felt so cathartic, and good, and right, to declare this for myself!
I wish I could tell you exactly how I got to this place of positivity. But I can’t quite pinpoint how it came to be. However, I can tell you that I think I got to this place after many, many years of dating struggles. And I’m no longer in a place where the drama of the struggle makes sense anymore.
INSPIRED BY OTHER WOMEN WHO HAVE DONE THE SAME
I have mentioned the Heal Your Heartbreak Podcast so many times in recent articles, and I’m mentioning it again! Because I have gotten so much out of it so far. Seriously, if you are going through a breakup, you MUST listen to this podcast. It will save you! Because Kendra, the host of this podcast, is so supportive and positive, and has truly been there.
She often has episodes where she interviews other people who have turned their heartbreak into great success. And I was listening to one of these episodes the other day. Hearing these beautiful, strong, caring women turn their pain into something amazing was so inspiring. Because it’s SO easy to throw our hands up when life sucks. But it comes down to happiness. And if I hang around in misery, telling all of my old stories to myself, over and over again, where will that get me? It’ll just keep me miserable. What stories you ask? Here are just a few…
BEING SINGLE AT 42 IS MY NIGHTMARE COMING TRUE
IT’S TOO LATE IN LIFE FOR ME TO FIND LOVE, SO WHY EVEN BOTHER?
I JUST WASTED THREE AND HALF YEARS OF MY LIFE AND IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING
MEN ARE STUPID, DISRESPECTFUL, AND MEAN, AND DATING SUCKS
EVERYONE ELSE AROUND ME IS PARTNERED, AND I CAN’T BE HAPPY UNTIL I FIND A PARTNER TOO
LIFE WAS SO FULL AND FUN WHEN I HAD A PARTNER, AND NOW MY LIFE IS BORING AND EMPTY
BEING SINGLE AND 42 IS SO EMBARASSING
My list could go on, and on, and on. I could keep going with it, seriously. But ugh, I’m just so bored with it. It just feels like going backwards. And these are all the kinds of things I used to tell myself, all of the time. So, what do I have to lose now, trying a different approach?
WHAT DOES MY LIFE LOOK LIKE IF I REFUSE TO BE MISERABLE AS A SINGLE PERSON?
As I was going to sleep last night, I started getting really excited and inspired. To be honest, I had trouble falling asleep. Because just before bed, I had eaten two chocolate coffee brownies, watching Golden Girls and loving my life in that moment. I had made the brownies for a weekend getaway with friends. And of course, I had to sample the brownies, twice, to make sure they were suitable for the occasion. But this is the kind of thing I’m talking about. Enjoying trips with friends, indulging in naughty sweets, and watching whatever the heck I want, whenever I want.
I used to define my life by my relationship status. And in the past, I could have had the exact same experience as above. Planning a fun trip, enjoying some sweets, and watching my favorite show. And yet, because of my attitude at the time, I would not have been able to fully and completely enjoy that moment. Because it was always shrouded with the idea that, “Yeah, but you’re single, and until you find him, life is not just all that great, no matter what you do.” I really and honestly thought that, all of the time. And it’s crazy to think about how many moments of pure joy and freedom I robbed myself of, because of this attitude.
No more.
MOVING FORWARD
Okay, I’m NEVER not going to want to find a love partner. I’ve accepted this about myself, and I 100% know it’s possible to find one. So, it’s not like I’m taking my eyes off the prize. However, I do know that I want someone who is really happy in life. Who has his own things going on, and who is excited to be here on this planet, having experiences and seeking growth, and joy, and love. And I know that I can’t find a match like that unless I embody that myself.
I do believe I actually do embody a lot of that, much of the time. However, the former me would still usually default to the “Yeah, but I’m single” mentality. And that’s the part that I need to let go of. And to refuse to be miserable as a single person, means that I’m refusing to define my life by my relationship status. I’m refusing to surrender my joy, just because I’m single. I have so many gifts, and so many treasures, that have nothing to do with romantic love. And I used to think that they were less valuable. And that the only romantic-based joy was true joy. What the hell was I thinking?!
No more.
I’m so excited to embark upon this new phase of being single in life. Happy as a single person. And this doesn’t mean that I won’t sink sometimes. I’m not advocating for toxic positivity, or avoidance of the realities of life. Trust me, ya’ll. I feel my feelings when I feel them. And I can get super sad about being single sometimes. That’s normal, and okay, and to be expected. But, once I’ve allowed myself those feelings, I can let them go. And all I’m saying is, I’m not going to let being single bum me out anymore. Period. I just can’t anymore, and I’ve outgrown that way of thinking. And it feels really great!
THANK YOU FOR READING!
So, what do you think of my latest goddess awakening? I seriously can’t wait to start diving into my life as a joyous single woman. With faith in my future, and joy in my present. Have you ever experienced this kind of shift? And how has it worked out for you?
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PHOTO CREDITS
Featured photo by Karina Vorozheeva on Unsplash
Women photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash
Brownies photo by Molly Keesling on Unsplash
Cloud photo by Alexander Andrews on Unsplash
Some people use the relationship status “happily single”. I feel like giving a thumbs up to that!
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I love that this is where you’re at now! I also like that this can also be applied in different areas of life and not just relationships. I have definitely taken notes. All the best Libby!
Yes I was hoping this would translate for others and inspire regardless of whatever life issue is tripping us up. I’m SO happy you got something out of this! And more to come, thank you 😊💖
Good for you, Libby! Society really favours the entangled more than the singles and it was most frustrating to me to see that when I was single for a good decade! That’s the only reason I ever felt the heaviness of being single… all the little trigger reminders that otherwise I wouldn’t really notice was sort of always thrown in my face… I think as long as you can find happiness in each moment (appreciate your surroundings, think of how alternatively it could be much worse, and believe that other good things are in your future) then YOU are doing amazing! 🙂 Good luck on your dating journey! Last point, I think dating others also reveals to us more things about us we didn’t know (our wants, quirks, dislikes, etc). 🙂
Yes to EVERYTHING yes!!! Thank u so much, and it’s comforting to hear you feel my pain of the single person’s pressure, it’s such a real thing. And yes, gratitude and trying to enjoy each moment has been really helpful. I have so much to be grateful for, and so much more to come! Thanks for sharing always. I know our lives look completely different right now, but I still feel a mutual overlap and a kindredness with my bosssybabe, so thank you so much for being such a lovely blogging friend!! xoxo
aww thanks for being a kind friend always! I know I’ve missed some posts but the damn cold won’t leave me alone… I was sick two weeks ago then Charlotte got sick or I caught her cold I’m not sure but then now I am SICK again! It’s unbelievable!!! grrr trying to get through each day to be honest :/
Omg I’m soooooo sorry, that is so awful! And when you’re sick, the best way to care for yourself is to rest and do nothing. But as a mother, that’s literally impossible! Oy, that sucks so bad, no worries about missing my posts, omg you have more important things 🤒😷🤕🤧 I hope you get better soon, I’m sending healing vibes your way!