I was trying to think of the last time I was this stressed out in life. And I concluded that the last time I felt this way was in March of 2020. Now, I know for most of us, March 2020 was when much of the world started to go into Covid-19 lockdown. However, there were so many other crazy things going on in my life at that time, that the lockdown just added to the already existing insanity. And I feel like that’s what’s happening now. For me, I can handle stressful situations as long as the rest of my life is pretty okay. But when multiple stressors come together all at once, it’s too much for me, and I just kind of can’t handle things.
THE LAST TIME I WAS THIS STRESSED
In March 2020, in addition to the pandemic, I had an incident happen in my apartment. A mouse (I’m historically, deathly afraid of mice) decided to make itself known in the junior studio apartment I was living in alone at the time. Luckily, my ex and I were still together at the time and he was with me when said mouse arrived. In that moment, I essentially told him we’re going back to his place and I’m not returning to my apartment until the mouse is gone. It never did leave by the way and I moved out before I had to face it alone again.
Still, I was uprooted and even though I was eternally grateful that I could stay with my ex in his apartment, it required some major adjustments.
I had to add an extra 30 minutes to my already 1 hour commute. And he was super dirty and just never kept the place as clean as I would have liked. Although, he tried.
Then, he cooked chicken for me one night and he essentially gave me food poisoning. By accident of course. One of the worst atrocities that my body ever went through was that. And I had to go through all of that in his dirty AF bathroom. At one point, I was lying on the bathroom floor, pants down, with my face planted to the dirty bathroom floor. And I didn’t even care because my body was in so much distress.
Around the same time, my ex’s dearest friend from childhood abruptly passed away and my ex was in very much pain, understandably. I tried to comfort him with thought and care, but everything I did or didn’t do seemed to agitate him. So he and I were just not getting along between my stress and his grief, and it was really hard on the relationship.
FROM STRESS COMES MAGIC
Then when quarantine hit, I was so petrified, as we all were. And at the same time, so grateful to be with him through all of it.
And as many of you know, when I’m feeling dark, or scared, or sad, I make art.
Read my related post, “4 Ways To Create Meaningful Art.”
So with no art materials in sight, and only a few things I could find in his apartment, I created a small series of mixed media constructions. This series was made from found cardboard, a few broken colored pencils (I can’t believe he actually had colored pencils), and magazine clippings from Sports Illustrated magazines.
I share more about this insane time in my blog post, “The Goddess Attainable In Quarantine.”
Quarantine 4, mixed media on cardboard, March 2020, 3″ x 3″ © Libby Saylor
Quarantine 6, mixed media on cardboard, March 2020, 3″ x 3″ © Libby Saylor
Installation view of Quarantine Art © Libby Saylor. I had no place to display this work, so I created hand-made miniature shelves out of aluminum foil and scotch tape, and taped them to the wall of his bedroom. It kept me sane and reminded me that beauty still exists in the world, even though I saw very little of it in that apartment.
STRESSED OUT, BUT KEEPING IT COY
I hate to do this to you, but I don’t even want to get into why I’m currently stressed. Because it stresses me out more when I talk about it. Isn’t that weird for me? Normally, I’m SOOOOO full disclosure. And I’m not meaning to hide anything. I just get more upset thinking about everything weighing on me.
So, this post is just to kind of touch in and let you all know that I’m going through some things now. But I’ll come out of it soon, and will share all about my life with you again.
THANK YOU!
For now, thank you to those of you who have reached out. I’m so lucky to have such dear blogging friends! And I would love to know, what do you do when you’re stressed? How do you handle it and how do you dig yourself out of it? I look forward to hearing from you and will be in touch soon! xoxo
PS I’m really sorry this blog post sucks, but I had to get something out there just to touch base. And I could barely manage this!
Hot dog, yum yum!
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Sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time right now. You might be interested in knowing that my niece is an art therapist who works with troubled teens. I’m not much of an artist, but I love the idea of turning to art as a means of dealing with crappy feelings. She loves what she does, and I’m proud of her for doing something so positive.
I’ve been bummed out too. I was supposed to leave on Friday and drive to Sacramento to get together with a couple of old high school friends who I hadn’t seen in some time. We were going to go to a professional baseball game on Saturday, enjoy a couple of beers, some great time in San Francisco, go out to dinner, and catch up. Thursday night, I started getting the chills and a slight fever. My sense of smell was off, and I was sure I had Covid. Anyway, three negative tests later, I’m finally feeling more like myself today. I’m bummed I didn’t get to see my buddies but relieved to be feeling better today.
I hope you feel better soon, Libby.
Thanks so much, Pete, it’s nice to hear from you! I’m so sorry about your trip being canceled, ugh! That sounds like a dream trip actually. So, did you end up not having COVID but just a cold? Either way, of course that sucks so bad, you have to wonder why those things happen sometimes. I hope you can all plan a new get together in the future to make up for that flop. And I’m so glad you’re feeling better. Keep me posted!
Not sure what it was, but apparently not Covid.
Sorry you’re going through this Libby…. Even though I don’t know what you’re going through, I hope you find the relief you’re needing! Keep on creating and expressing yourself as long as it brings you happiness! Wishing you the best always!
Thank you Jen!!! 💖💖
I’m sorry you’re going through stuff. I don’t think this post sucked, it is just a glimpse into how you are feeling at the time which was the need to check in when you didn’t want to blog. I think that is very kind and generous of you.
As for what I do when I’m stressed. I tend to give myself a wallow pity party day and then I get back to whatever it is I need to do to fix the stress if possible. If not, I just get back to investing in myself – exercise, dinner with friends, reading a book, calling my therapist, going to that museum I’ve been meaning to visit, whatever. I also do a lot of journaling but sometimes I find it hard to write it out because then I have to admit my real feelings to myself. But usually once I suck that up, it gets better. And with practice I’ve also gotten better at doing it sooner than later and not feeling as uncomfortable doing it.
Thank you so much for sharing and for your encouragement and validation. It sounds like you have stress management on lockdown! And I LOVE the pity party day, there’s something so powerful in deliberate actions and awareness 💖 Thank you again for stopping by and enjoy the rest of your week! 🔥
Sending you all the light and love possible, Libby <3
Thank u I’m slowly coming out of it…I think…
🤗
Wow, that mixed media thing is pretty danged interesting. Because where do you even begin? This is why I rarely do visual creatives, because it’s a whole other level of creativity.
And right on about producing your best work when you’re feeling down. There was a phase in my life where I could only write when I was sad, so it was fortunate that was sad all the time then, lol. Thanks for this, Libby!
Ha! Thanks again Stuart for stopping by and taking a look! 🌺