So, I’m going on my first date tonight, post-breakup. You gals, this is a HUGE deal. This is the first date I’ve been on in over three and a half years. And even though I’m a bit out of practice, I’ve been on enough dates in the past. To know that it’s impossible to avoid nervousness on a first date. And I think understanding this fact, can actually ease a bit of the stress. It’s another flavor of accepting life on life’s terms. To know that when it comes to dating, this is just part of it, and there’s no getting around it. And to try NOT to be nervous, I think just makes things worse.
Read my related article about “Struggling Right Now To Accept Life On Life’s Terms.”
DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND ONLY WORRY ON THE DAY OF
I used to get nervous the moment I set a date with someone. And even if the date was set for the following week, I would consign myself to obsessive fretting for days and days. I’ve come a long way since then. Because first of all, that’s exhausting. And it’s also a form of self-abuse. Additionally, so many things can happen between the time a date is set and the actual date! Someone could ghost someone else. Or, you could keep chatting and learn a dealbreaker about the person, and decide to call it off. You could meet someone else and decide not to go on the date. Or, you could just chicken out and bail altogether. The possibilities are kind of endless in this game of love.
Don’t ghost anyone. Just tell them the truth in the kindest and most compassionate way possible. It’s really better for everyone.
ESTABLISH AS MUCH COMFORT AND CERTAINTY AS POSSIBLE BEFORE THE DATE
What I mean by this is, don’t go out on a date with someone you’re super on the fence about. I know it’s very easy to get sucked into FOMO when dating. Or to worry that if you don’t say yes to everyone, you might miss an opportunity. No, this is not true. Shift your thinking to believe that this is an abundant world. And that what is meant for you will not go past you. And trust yourself! Because chances are, if you’re feeling funky about your date before you’ve even met them, you may very well feel funky about them once you do. And who wants to feel funky about someone? Instead, do as much footwork before the date as possible. And make sure you like all (or most) of their pictures. Make sure the chat conversation has a decent flow. And also, make sure they haven’t said anything rude, or disrespectful, or have in any way made you feel uncomfortable.
Read my very important article, “Goddess Dating Guidelines” if you are a woman (or man) entering the dating world.
Before your date, you should be feeling good about the potential. Because all of this not knowing bullshit is stressful enough! And the nervousness on a first date can feel so overwhelming.
DISTRACTION IS YOUR FRIEND
Honestly, I’m writing this blog post today in order to distract myself about tonight. Distraction can sometimes be a bad thing if you’re meant to feel all of your feelings, and face your emotions in the name of healing. However, when it comes to this insanity, just distract yourself. Because honestly, it’s like a countdown to the time of your date. And every time you look at the clock, the butterflies start to get more and more agitated, as you approach the inevitable hour. So, in order to keep those b-flies at bay, just keep doing things. Whatever you need to do to relax or take your mind off of things. And before you know it, you’re date will be right in front of you! Holy shit, gulp!
MOVE YOUR BODY TO WORK OUT THE NERVES
I have actually found over the years, that if I move my body while I’m nervous, it helps to release the tension. In college, I had to give a big talk in front of hundreds of students. And on the way there, I remember I was forcing myself to skip and do jumping jacks while walking down the street. Because I knew that I had too much nervous energy coursing through my body. And when that energy builds up, it can intensify the shaky voice, and the sweats, and the shits, and all that.
I don’t recommend yoga actually, because that actually tends to make things worse for me. Perhaps because it makes me feel like I’m trying to calm down. Instead, if I admit that I’m freaking out and lean into that, I can just make my body reflect those feelings. By going berserk and jumping up and down. It really works!
TRY NOT TO PROJECT OR BUILD THINGS UP
When it comes to a first date, there are SOOOO many duds. So many mismatches, or situations that just don’t work out. And that’s fine. That’s dating, unfortunately. Of course, it’s also good to be open to the possibility of greatness. Because being too cynical or closed-off on a first date can also hinder your success. It’s kind of a fine balance, actually, to find that sweet spot between open optimism, and realistic groundedness. Ultimately, it’s just two human beings, meeting up to see how things go. And there’s NO way to know until you meet. And then there’s even more mystery if and when you both do decide to date each other. So, it is important to try to keep things in perspective, as much as you possibly can. I know it’s hard. But it’s totally doable!
ANTICIPATE THEM LOOKING DIFFERENT THAN THEIR PICS
This one sucks, and I wish this wasn’t true. But, more often than not, there’s always a bit of a startle during those first moments of meeting. And you must adjust to the difference between the pictures you absorbed and “made sense of in your mind,” and the actual human being standing in front of you. That’s the worst part for me. Once I see the person, whether or not I’m even attracted to them, I can make the night work. I can make good conversation, be polite, and have a decent time. But, it’s that freaky adjustment period, in those first few seconds, that wig me out the most. So, when in doubt, it’s always best to be prepared for a difference in their appearance from what you imagined.
And also, try your best to only use pics of yourself that really look like the real you. Ask your friends for feedback. Or, even better, ask them to take some pics of you! And try to only use recent pictures, within the last year or so. It’s just better for everyone, and no one appreciates false advertising.
OKAY, THAT’S ALL FOR NOW!
Okay ya’ll. Well this was a nice distraction, and killed about an hour of nervous time for me. Only a few hours left! And if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the restroom now, and tend to my nervous poo, damp pits, and kitten breath. It’s all just part of it. And in the end, when you have that special someone to snuggle with on the couch for the rest of your life, this nervousness on a first date is really just a blip in the timeline. A blip that feels like the biggest and fattest, most inescapable and terrifying blip that there ever was. But it’ll be okay 🙂 More soon! xo
Thank you for reading. So, I’m sure you’re familiar with nervousness on a first date, right? How do you handle your nervousness on a first date? Do you remain calm or freak the fuck out?
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Featured photo by Alex Guillaume on Unsplash
Ghost photo by Drew Tilk on Unsplash
Jumping woman photo by Jamaal Cooks on Unsplash
Taking a photo photo by Josh Rose on Unsplash