I struggle each day to make sense of my recent break-up. Each day, I try to understand how this could have happened to me. And how love can deliver such sadness, and pain, and unexplainable, tragic grief. Unfortunately, the more I try to understand it all, the more pain it seems to cause me. And so, I’m now playing with the idea of leaning into the mysteries of love itself. Because maybe love itself, and my idea of love, is the thing that I must make some peace with. My relationship is over, and there is no peace to be found regarding this failed union. But, perhaps I just need to step back a bit, and look at the bigger love picture.
You might also enjoy my related article, “Struggling Right Now To Accept Life On Life’s Terms.”
A MESSAGE FROM MY HEART
As I mentioned in another recent article, “Lean Into Grief And Discover The Mysteries Of Its Wisdom,” I have been exploring messages held within my own heart. In this article, I discuss how I have begun a daily practice of heart-centered work, in order to assist me in coping with my grief. And each day, or sometimes twice a day, I try to get out of my head. And instead, listen to what my heart has to say.
A recent heart message, regarding the mysteries of love, revealed this:
“You may never understand why this happened. But, can you make peace with not knowing? And just accept, and honor, and trust in love’s mystery. Trying to figure everything out in life, and in love, robs it of its pure wonder, and magic, and awe.”-My Heart
MY PREVIOUS IDEAS ABOUT LOVE
Ever since this break-up, I have been uncovering more and more insights about false beliefs that I have held for years. That are not really serving me, and that may never have.
With regards to my concept of love, as I have explained in past articles, I latched onto a fantasy of love in order to survive my childhood trauma. I determined that love would be the thing that would bring me ultimate happiness. If I could just do it right, and find the right person. And if I could work on myself, and not make any mistakes, love was the answer to all of my pain. Love would be the thing that would keep me from fear, and sadness, and loneliness.
And as I type these words now, I can see how clearly this sets love up to fail me so fucking hard. I mean, love is great. But, my ideas about love are putting a lot of pressure on this innocent energy, and there’s just nothing so ideal in this world. Not even love. Nothing is perfect, and it’s not meant to be. Except maybe flowers.
You can read my article, “The Magic Of Flowers And Why I Need Them In My Life.”
THE TRUE NATURE OF LOVE
Okay, I’m a 100% NON-expert when it comes to the topic of love. And I have no idea how to go about understanding the mysteries of love. But, I want to try. Because, honestly, the ways I thought about love before, have just completely backfired in my face. And because I had such an ideal attachment to love, and such high hopes for it, it’s all the more shattering now that love has disappointed me.
To be clear, I’m not interested in getting mad at love. And I refuse to become a cynic about love. Because I do believe in its power to heal, and save, and open, and transform. It truly is the reason we are all here. But, I think in order to move forward, I need to reframe my ideas a bit. And try to accept that perhaps the true nature of love is not meant to be understood. Ugh, this SO goes against my Virgo nature!
VIRGO AND PISCES
I recently listened to a podcast about zodiacs, and they talked about how our zodiac polar opposite is the antidote to the shadow side of our sign. So, for instance, Pisces is Virgo’s polar opposite on the zodiac wheel. And this means that when I’m holding on a bit too tightly to my Virgo nature, I can balance myself out by adopting more Pisces qualities. Some of these qualities include:
Just to put some of these qualities into context, here are some typical Virgo qualities:
DOWN TO EARTH
So, when I look at this comparison, I can see and feel very clearly why I struggle so much with leaning into they mysteries of love. The nature of who I am truly seeks to ground myself in understanding. I want to comprehend everything, and slot it into categories, labeled and clearly marked. And now it seems that love is
asking inviting me to try something different.
LOOK TO THE STARS
Another message I received from my heart, today actually, confuses me even further. My heart showed me an image of the stars. And essentially asked that whenever I start trying to understand the past, or project into the future, that I should just imagine this image of the stars. My heart asked me to open myself to this wide open expanse. And to embrace the idea that this space is full of endless possibilities, that are incomprehensible.
This is a new kind of thing for me to focus on. Which is why I believe my heart is urging me towards this. I have NO idea how or why picturing a dark sky full of stars will get me to a happier place. But, guess what? I’m fucking miserable right now. And I’ll try anything.
My world has been shattered, my beliefs about love turned upside down. And I’m now free to be built again, from the ground up. Perhaps this time, from a place of hope, and freedom, and glistening possibilities unbeknownst to my earthy, Virgo mind.
WISH ME LUCK
This kind of thing is really out of my comfort zone. I think I always thought I was a very spiritual person. And I am. But, I don’t think I’m nearly as spiritual as I think I am. Because trusting in the unknown has always been hard for me. I mean, it’s kinda hard for everyone. But, for me, I think I have a lot of work to do in this area. And I realize now that my comfort zone is SOOO in the Earthly realm.
However, I’m already out of my comfort zone. I’m dumped, and lonely, and my life has been turned upside down and inside out. Against my will! So, since I’m already here, chillin’ in the unknown, I guess it can’t hurt if I hang here a little while longer…
How do you reconcile the mysteries of love? Have you ever been baffled by the ways of love? And how did you work your way through it? Do you think I’m onto something here? Or way off the mark?
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Featured photo by Diana Parkhouse on Unsplash
Rose photo by Valerie Blanchett on Unsplash
Starry sky photo by neida zarate on Unsplash