I am not the first person to ever write about the art of manifestation, and I’m sure I won’t be the last. However, speaking from personal experience, I can say that the emotional roller coaster that we go through when we are trying to manifest something is really, really difficult, and often not talked about.
Let me begin by sharing my credentials with you in the manifestation department, before I get into how to deal with those rough emotions. I have successfully manifested my dream job, my dream love partner, and my dream friend group, just to name a few. I am truly rich with gifts and peace and love in my life, and I am so grateful for all that I have received. Manifestation results also come in all shapes and sizes, and I have tons and tons of less enormous dream products that I have manifested as well, but the ones listed above are the heavy hitters.
Through all of my manifestation experiences, I have to say that the one thing that stands out with all of them is the really not fun aspect of “divine timing.” I hate to say it, but it’s true. Some things I manifested quickly and easily, and others took years and years and years of doing and trying everything. The thing is, your manifestations come about once you are in the right place to receive them, and sometimes, you can’t just snap your fingers and be in the right place. You have to live through experiences that take you there. You have to grow into your gifts. It sucks, I know, and it’s a total pain in the ass when you want something really, really badly and it’s just not coming to you, but it’s really true about timing.
MANIFESTATION BOOKS ARE NOT THE ANSWER, BUT THEY ARE ALSO WORTH READING AND PART OF THE PROCESS
These are two books I was attached to for soooooo many years when I was trying to manifest a love partner. And in some ways they were helpful, but in other ways, they caused a tremendous amount of pain. For one thing, it’s important to remember that book writers and authors are trying to sell their books, and Arielle Ford who wrote The Soulmate Secret, is not only the author, but also runs her own publishing company, that obviously published this book. I’m not saying these books are completely false, but they are very bubble gum poppy, and really make manifestation seem very easy, very doable, and very hopeful. And if you’re trying to manifest something that you may not actually get for years and years, these books can feel like a sick taunt. I purchased The Soulmate Secret when I was living in New York City, probably around 2009, and I didn’t manifest my partner until 2018. Ouch!
I think books like these are great if you are new to manifestation, but they really need to be taken with a grain of salt. Or, you can do what I did and buy them, read them, and make insane and immediate changes in your life because you are convinced that all you need to do to manifest your soulmate is get rid of your single bed and replace it with a double bed to “make room” for your new partner.
I did this. And I was a crazy person. I actually hosted a “Soulmate Workshop” at my apartment in New York City back in 2010, and invited over every single woman I knew (not every female person I knew, I mean every woman who was single that I knew, in case that wasn’t clear).
One of the exercises that was suggested at this workshop was to “make space” for your soulmate (I’m sure the woman that I hired to conduct the Soulmate Workshop was 100% taking cues from The Soulmate Secret, which by then, was so unbelievably mainstream popular and had already been featured on Oprah). So, literally that night, after I had spent all day preparing for this event and hosting 12 ladies in my apartment for several hours, I went on craigslist. Why, you ask? Because I decided I needed to bring my double bed from home, up to NYC to replace my single bed, since the lady running the workshop had said that my single bed was “blocking” me from finding my soulmate. And in order to make room for a double bed, I thought I needed new shelving. That night, I found a girl on craigstlist who had a bookshelf she was giving away at a reasonable price. So, from Astoria, Queens, I drove into Manhattan, during a snow storm (did I mention it was snowing?), and double parked on a crazy, crowded, snowy, traffic-filled, Manhattan street, to pick up a shelf from a complete stranger.
I was in a total frenzy throughout the entire process and was driving like a maniac to and from Queens. I got home and the thing was way too big and just didn’t fit into my small space. I was desperately trying to move it and angle it, and as I was working like a truly manic person on coke, one of the shelves snapped in half and rendered the entire piece of furniture unusable. It took me about three minutes from the time I returned home to destroy this perfectly fine bookshelf. Yeah, that happened. I was crazy. And miserable. And all because I wanted to find my soulmate so terribly, and I just wasn’t able to accept the fact that divine timing is always at play when it comes to matters of the heart. I was pushing against that divine clock and it pushed back!
My single bed (aka soulmate blocker) ca. late 2000’s that I did eventually replace with my double bed from home.
I have to say that as I relive this memory of mania, I have nothing but endearing love for that girl in Queens. I was lovely and lovable at the time, I was just not ready. But there was (and is) no shame in wholeheartedly craving something with my entire being. I wanted it so badly, it really made me crazy. And that tension between wanting something and not having it was really very painful. We will often try anything to make that pain go away, and that’s all I was doing by acting in those impulsive and desperate ways. I just wanted love, and no one should feel ashamed of their desires. The heart wants what it wants, and it wants it for a reason–because it is meant to come to us, it really is. Otherwise, we wouldn’t want it, and our hearts would move onto something else. Without that desperate pull, I don’t think I would have continued to work on myself and try and push, and through all of those years, I grew into a better person. The partner was just the reward after all that work, and he was super worth it!
WORKING ON YOURSELF AND YOUR GROWTH IS THE BEST WAY TO MANIFEST YOUR DREAMS IN THE MOST EFFICIENT AMOUNT OF TIME…BUT EVEN THEN, YOU STILL MIGHT HAVE TO WAIT
It sucks waiting for your dreams to manifest, it just sucks. And what’s worse is, no one can tell you when they are going to come, so you never really know until you get there (and even when you get there, there is still an uncomfortable uncertainty period, when all new desires first come to fruition, that you just have to deal with until it passes).
However, even though this waiting stuff sucks, it really is for a reason. The Universe isn’t stupid, or cruel, or lazy, or not paying attention to you, or inefficient. The Universe is WAY wiser than any of us and It really knows what It’s doing. You just have to trust It.
Insert whatever higher power you believe in, in place of God, if you don’t believe in God. It’s all the same stuff.
So, now that you fully trust The Universe and know that It’s not out to make your life miserable, what can you do with yourself in the meantime while you wait for The Universe to send you your desires?
I don’t recommend you sit on your hands and do nothing to forward your manifestation. I do believe that it’s a collaborative effort, and for every internal and/or external shift you make, The Universe responds and starts churning up the goodies for you (this is mostly all happening behind the scenes, in the invisible realm, right up until your dream becomes a reality).
I made one small shift in my lifestyle one year when I was single and living in my own studio apartment, and the results of this shift came to fruition years later. I had finally gotten to a place in my life where I was feeling really good about my living space and considered it a true sanctuary. I still wanted to find my mate, but I worked to make this area of my life more fulfilling and beautiful and comfortable, for me, regardless of that fact that he had not yet arrived. So, one year, several years before I met my partner, I agreed to renew my lease for 18 months instead of 12, knowing that my rent would remain at the same rate for an additional 6 months. I really didn’t think much of it at the time, but I was definitely feeling settled and content with my living situation and thought it couldn’t hurt to save a bit of money on rent. This moved my renewal month from November to May. Fast forward to April 2020 when my partner and I decided to move in together after one and a half years of dating. Turns out, the lease to his apartment just happened to be up in April, one month before mine! In order to move in together, all I had to do was save up to pay one extra month of rent to my former apartment, and we both moved into our new apartment on April 10, 2020. If I wouldn’t have made that shift in my lease agreement, years earlier, I would have had to pay close to $6,000 worth of rent to cover the gap in my partner and I’s renewal months, and I may not have even been able to afford making the move.
Before I had even come close to meeting my partner, The Universe started working Its magic to line things up for me. And I was simply doing my thing and enjoying my life when I made that decision to extend my lease renewal. The Universe saw that and responded! IT could see, even though I could not, that I was becoming more ready, more happy, and more in love with my life as a single person, and IT started moving things around for me, again, behind the scenes, years in advance. You will never know the wise ways that The Universe works Its magic, so just trust It, and just keep doing your thing as best you can.
This one is tricky and I think the hope factor will vary from person to person, based on beliefs and previous life experiences. I know many people often say that when they gave up all hope on their dream, that’s when it came to them. I don’t discount that line of thinking at all, but for me, that didn’t work.
I was just not convinced that I would be happy without a partner. I would try to imagine my life as a single person, well into old age, and I really thought, “No, that would not make me happy, that would suck, and I don’t want that.” So, I really felt like, I’m just going to keep trying until I die. I won’t give up until I’m dead, because I really, really want this. That was a choice that I made for myself, but not everyone will feel that way.
I think the best way to manage hope when you are trying to manifest something is by tempering those hopeful feelings. I think it’s extreme to just say, “F this, this will never happen.” But I also think it’s really exhausting and painful to maintain a super positive outlook 24/7. If you have put in the time and effort and your dream has still has not materialized, you may dip into dark and negative feelings, and that’s okay. Feeling hopeless and negative about your situation won’t block the thing from coming to you, it really won’t. Manifestation works at the speed of tar, and our thoughts work at the speed of eye blinks, so you have lots and lots of leeway. Let yourself feel how you feel and know that it’s okay to feel sad and hopeless at times. Try not to stay in that place, though (mostly, because it’s really no fun to live that way, and there are many things in life to be happy about, other than your unmet desires). Eventually do whatever you need to do to pick yourself up, keep going, and don’t give up.
It’s also helpful to get clear about what you really want to manifest and what you can go without. I knew for certain I wanted to manifest a partner, but other things I let go of, because over time, I would realize that eh, it wasn’t worth the effort and I can go without this or that thing. However, I have been wanting to find love for as long as I can remember, starting with Robby Large in kindergarten. The desire was always there, and it never went away, no matter what I did, right up until age 37 (a month before my 38th birthday) when I met my now partner.
September 19, 2018 on my 38th birthday, about a month and a half after we met. By this point, I had already gone through many major growth shifts and transformations, well before I even met this guy. I had grown into the gift of love, so by the time he showed up, I was a much more evolved person than the dear and desperate girl living in Queens. And that evolved person lined up perfectly with the equally evolved person I was dreaming of.
BE GRATEFUL FOR THE THINGS THAT YOU DO HAVE
This point is a bit obvious, I know. But I do remember a time when I was single and sad about my partner-less existence, and I would become really fixated on the fact that I hadn’t met him yet. At a certain point, I finally stepped outside of that way of thinking and realized that I had a fabulous best friend, a twin sister who loved and supported me, a really loving family, a dream job, my health, and lots of other things. And there were many years when I felt like none of that mattered if I didn’t have the partner to go with it. And it’s true, holidays were always hard for me, being around couples in my family and not having a partner of my own to celebrate with. But once I finally adopted an attitude of gratitude, I began putting my energy into cultivating and maintaining those precious existing relationships. The more I did this, the richer my life felt, and the more love I had in my heart. I truly think this shift in perspective helped to soften my heart and make more space for true love.
CONSIDER GOING TO THERAPY
I do believe that one of the only actual blocks to manifesting your dreams, is not your bed size, but your capacity for self-love. A therapist will not be able to hand you your dreams, but they can do wonders in terms of the love you have for yourself. I talk about this extensively in my post, THE TRUTH ABOUT THERAPY, and really credit the manifestation of my partner with the years I spent in therapy, cultivating an intimate relationship with another person (my therapist), in a safe space, and allowing her to just love me unconditionally. Talk about heart opening!
Consider going to a therapist if you have done everything you can think of to manifest your dream and it still hasn’t happened. Again, you may just need to grow into that readiness. And just remember, a therapist isn’t a dream-granter, but if you let them love and accept you unconditionally, you will become your own dream-granter. You don’t need to fully understand it, but just do the work, and let another person love you for no reason (I mean, you have to pay them, so I guess technically, they have a reason, but don’t read into it, just do it, if you can afford to).
SAY NO TO LOTS OF THINGS
This sounds funny, but it’s true. The Universe needs details from you in order to give you exactly what you want. And the best way for It to know how you truly feel, and what you truly want, is to throw a bunch of experiences at you and see how you react.
Here’s an example:
If you are looking for your dream car and you go to a car dealer, in order to find your perfect fit, you will most likely have to look at more than one car. You might test drive one and HATE how it feels. That feeling of disgust is pure information that The Universe takes note of, specifically for you. It says, “Okay, she hate’s the way that feels, well how about this?” And you might get into another car and test drive it and also hate how it feels, but for different reasons. So now, you’re starting to fine tune the specifics, and The Universe is listening intently. It understands, “Okay, so the first car she drove felt stiff and was just not fun to drive. And the second car she drove, felt wobbly and bumpy. So now I’m beginning to understand that she wants a smooth ride.” This might seem obvious, but it’s not. You have to experience that stiff drive and that bumpy drive, and feel that disgust in your bones, in order for The Universe to really understand. The Universe understands “feels” much more than words, although if your words have feelings behind them, It will also understand that. But you may have not even really and truly understood even for yourself how much you wanted a smooth ride in your dream car, until you tried out some other cars that had terrible feels.
You might also think it’s kind of obvious, like who wants a bumpy ride in a new car? But people want all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons. Someone might want a bumpy ride to go off-roading, or doesn’t even notice that a car has a bumpy feel if they are most concerned about size and price. The Universe really needs to be “told” (not verbally, but through your feelings) by you specifically, and you must know that everyone wants something different. So, your journey of manifestation is completely unique to you and only you. You help The Universe out by participating in the Yes and No game.
It’s a really un-fun process to go out into the world, knowing that you have to identify what you strongly dislike in order for The Universe (and you, don’t kid yourself) to really, really know what you want. But it really is the most efficient way to manifest your dreams. I hid from the world for years because I never wanted to have any “bad” experiences, and thought that if I did all of the internal manifestation work, within the safety and comfort of my little world, that would be enough. But it wasn’t enough, and my progress accelerated quadruple-time once I took the plunge and went out into the real world, experiencing all of the highs and lows (via the dating world), and started really being honest with myself about what I liked and didn’t like. It’s really a brilliant system, and it works if you work it.
Illustration from Goldilocks and The Three Bears. Source unknown.
DON’T GIVE UP
If you really and truly want something, and have wanted this same thing for years, just don’t give up. The Universe is working as quickly as it can, even if it feels like snail speed. Keep trying new things, keep changing, keep feeling, keep opening.
I’m sorry to any of you out there who are struggling with this. I know how hard it is to want and want and want. It’s one of the most painful things in life. But look around you today, and just be thankful for what you already have. Build on that and more will come to you. You deserve this. Everyone does.
I root for you and cheer for you and wish you so much manifestation luck!
Until next time, dearies…
xo and lots of love from my angel cat niece, Lucy…