This post begins where I left off in REIKI, PART I: THE BEGINNING. At the end of PART I, after having received a Reiki attunement in January of 2016, I experienced several transformations through the spring, summer, and fall months of the year. My deep and disturbing root chakra healing began in December, which is where this post continues.
[It will be most helpful if you read PART I, as I will not be re-explaining myself in this post.]
I had already done some very subtle root chakra healing exercises before my 2016 summer romance began, but not nearly enough to become any kind of an expert. I knew that dating terrified me and that I needed to do something about managing this terror. I also knew that my terror came from a deep, earth-based, fundamental insecurity about my safety in this world, and I knew enough about chakras to know that this was all root stuff.
I believe I spent about two weeks doing some very basic root chakra healing, consisting of meditating on some root chakra affirmations like, “I deserve to be in this world,” and “This world is a safe place,” while imagining a ruby red glowing ball around my root chakra. That’s pretty much it, and that seemed to do the trick in terms of releasing my fears long enough to get myself romantically involved with someone—after having gone a very long time avoiding the dating world all together, and lacking any capacity to muster the courage to even try. I believe my attunement and this simple chakra work facilitated this powerful romantic experience.
Image obtained from here. To balance your root chakra, imagine an object such as a rose, a ruby, or a glowing red ball, shimmering at the center of your root chakra (butt/seat/tailbone). You can also simply meditate on the color red, but I have found that focusing on an object seems much more effective.
After the ending of this summer romance, as mentioned in PART I, I also began my yoga journey. And feeling as ready as I could ever possibly be, I entered the online dating world in December 2016. I had dated online, on and off since the beginning of online dating, and was no stranger to any of it. But this was different. For the very first time, I was making a deliberate, conscious, positive, and heart-felt effort to GO ON DATES, like normal people do. In the past, I would go on a date with someone and no matter what kind of awkwardness or other terrible incident transpired, I would give up dating for months or even years, too traumatized to return. One bad date. A bit extreme, and definitely not a very good strategy in terms of playing the numbers game, upping my odds, and getting myself out there in any kind of remotely effective way. However, by December, I was finally ready to take a genuine stab at love in the everyday, conventional, online dating sense—I say “conventional” because I used to think that my soulmate would just jump out of the trees and turn my world around, and had always felt opposed to meeting a potential mate in some kind of unglamorous, online-generated, rendezvous-at-Starbucks, kind of way.
I went on two dates with a man in mid-December (two dates is progress for me, but I am also quite discerning, so I moved on after two dates, having determined that he was not a good match for me). I cannot exactly recall when my butt turned on me, but I know it was absolutely around the time of these two dates. I could even say that as soon as we had made plans to meet for the first time, my butt went berserk. I know this because before our second date, I almost cancelled due to the severity of my butt problems. I decided to go on the date anyway and we met up and it was all fine. But my butt was still not. My butt was just getting started.
Image credit unknown. I wish I felt like this goddess at the time, but I did not.
My butt problems began with a small pink bump on my butt. It seemed like no big deal at first. But it was a big deal. It did not go away. And within a few days, it was the size of a silver dollar. Then it formed a hard center. And then it became SO painful. Like, it-hurts-to-sit-down-painful. I do not know what I was thinking, not going to see a doctor, but I did not—not yet. I can not exactly recall how it all went down, but at some point, the bump turned into a monster and exploded, or I made it explode by trying to operate. Soon other bumps emerged. This went on for awhile. Still no doctor. Eventually I shaved as goddesses sometimes do, and I am certain this spread around the little monsters, so they were now invading my bikini area as well. My attempts to operate on myself—in absolute horror—at home, continued. FINALLY, I informed my therapist, who had no idea this was happening. With alarm, she aggressively advised me to go to urgent care as soon as possible. I was kind of surprised, but the concern on her face inspired me immediately. Urgent care determined that I had a staph infection (duh) and gave me some antibiotics. They also told me to NOT OPERATE on my own, and instead to use warm compresses, which worked like a charm. I followed up with my dermatologist and the monster bumps eventually healed, triumphantly leaving some gorgeous scars behind. Unfortunately, some of the more monstrous bumps may have done a bit of nerve damage, because every once in awhile I will still get some mild ghost pain from the scar tissue residing under the surface of my skin. Root chakra battle scars we’ll call them.
With regards to root chakra healing, it is important to note that before this time, I very often avoided doctors at all costs, because they—in addition to men and dating—also triggered all of my safety, security, trust, and root chakra issues. This deeply spiritual ordeal truly forced me to really make peace with my fear of doctors, to recognize they are on my side, they can actually help, and that I will be taken care of. As in the dating world, I still have fear of the medical world, but it is now manageable. Just as this root chakra healing freed me from my prison of perpetually avoiding the dating world, it also freed me from perpetually avoiding the medical world.
Left: Putting on a brave face as the first butt monster begins to emerge. Right: Me with my bestie on Christmas Eve, butt monsters unrelenting.
As I mentioned in PART I, this is a good example of how I believe Reiki healing was happening TO ME, rather than me making anything happen. This whole situation kind of took me by storm and caught me very off guard. Only when I was amidst the storm (I was definitely meant to be led into this storm, in order to learn and to grow), did I learn to maneuver and find my bearings, work through many of my fears, and finally realize that there was some kind of higher purpose to all of this. I actually knew at the time that these divine bumps were totally representative of my root chakra wigging out. I just did not exactly know what to do about it. I simply had to survive it, and as I said, allow it to happen to me. It sucked. But it took me to a new place in life. Thank you root chakra wisdom disguised as monster butt bumps.
So many spiritual components arise from going through an ailment like this—or any ailment for that matter. For one thing, I felt very lacking in control. I could not stop what was happening and at a certain point, especially in my day-to-day life, I just had to accept it. Root chakra healing is all about security, fear, and control. I felt very out of control and very scared. This fear, as unpleasant as it was, not to mention my legitimate bodily pain and discomfort, brought up all kinds of emotions. These emotions needed to come into the light, bubble up to the surface, and be released, in order for a deep healing to take place. This was not a peaceful, gentle, or enjoyable process, but it was rather effective. I will never feel as fearful of the dating world as I felt before my attunement. Fact. Not going to lie, there is still a fair amount of fear. But again, it is manageable and does not paralyze me. Also, a certain amount of fear in the dating world is useful, as it keeps me alert of the riff raff, and aids me in my navigation. Fear in the medical world, as I will discuss in PART III, can also be useful to a certain extent.
Image borrowed from @silvermoongoddess
From mid- to post-butt-monster-invasion, I began dating a new man and continued dating him for several months. This relationship taught me so much and got me truly comfortable again with men, dating, and intimacy. Okay, maybe I am not exactly 100% comfortable with dating and relationships, but again, I am no longer frozen by my unbreakable fear.
After I decided to move on from this person (he was also ultimately not a very good match for me), I dated two other people for a short time and then something snapped. In May of 2017, I got in my car after a revolting second date with a nice but not quite right man, and completely flipped out on the drive home—like in the most amazing way. I was not physically flailing or hysterical, but I am pretty sure I was talking out loud. And magically, for the very first time in my life, I felt done with men, done with dating, bored with trying, and experienced an incredible surge of newfound power within. For the first time ever, I felt profoundly compelled to put men on the back burner and instead focus on myself, my confidence, my happiness, and my creativity, without involving the man-factor. I have always included the man-factor in every choice I have ever made, in every feeling I have ever felt. I was NEVER not consumed by and/or obsessed with men. With all of my fears and hang-ups, I was still always obliviously focused on men and finding one for myself. Always. Since forever. Since Bert in pre-kindergarten. Since Robby Large in kindergarten. Slim pickings in first and second grade. But I bounced back in third grade and continued on and on and on. And now, in the split of a second, I wanted to let go of this life-long pursuit in order to redirect myself towards something higher.
In July of 2017, The Goddess Attainable was birthed.
I know this may seem like a stretch, connecting my January 2016 Reiki attunement with an ailment that occurred almost exactly one year later, but it is not. As you will discover in REIKI, PART III: FINAL ROOT HEALING and REIKI, PART IV: SACRAL CHAKRA HEALING, my journey of sacred, uncanny Reiki aftermath fallout continues.
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Featured photo by Cassi Josh on Unsplash