IMAGINE IF YOU WERE JOBLESS FOR 10 YEARS STRAIGHT

Firstly, this isn’t a post about being jobless. It’s about being single. And I’m just warning you, this might be another “please feel sorry for me” post. So I’m apologizing in advance. However, I was trying to think of a way to explain what it’s like to be perpetually single for close to two decades. And how truly wrong it feels to experience relationship scarcity for an extended period of time. So, this is what I came up with. And am asking you for a moment, to imagine that jobless-ness and single-ness are one and the same. And in this post, I’m going to break down what it might look and feel like to be jobless for 10 years. When in reality, I’m just talking about myself, and swapping out love for work. Make sense? Then, let’s go! Continue reading IMAGINE IF YOU WERE JOBLESS FOR 10 YEARS STRAIGHT

FLORENCE, FIONA, AND I MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON

This post is going to be a bit self-indulgent and rather obnoxious, I fear. But, I’m trying my best to just feel better about things. And it’s a full moon right now, so my emotions and thoughts are super intense at this current time. Anyway, as I was feeling sorry for myself about my plight (perpetual singleness at age 42), something occurred to me. And I thought about how if I was happy in a relationship, I probably wouldn’t have as much to share on my blog. Or with others in general. Because when I’m tortured, I’m constantly learning. And constantly creating. So, just like Florence Welch and Fiona Apple, two of the most romantically angsty musical artists I know, perhaps my pains are not in vain. Continue reading FLORENCE, FIONA, AND I MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON

I KEEP LOOKING OUTSIDE OF MYSELF FOR LOVE AND HAPPINESS

I think I’m doing this whole life thing wrong at the moment. Because I know on paper, the wiser rules say that we have to be happy with ourselves first before we can love another. And I’m not saying I’m not happy with myself. I really do love myself, even more now than I ever have. My heartbreaking breakup really sent me that gift. And yet, when I hear people say that all the love we need is within ourselves, I get confused. I wonder how someone can be fine if they lost their partner. Or went their whole lives without someone to share it with. And I know it’s wrong, but I have to admit, that right now, I keep looking outside of myself for love and happiness. And I’m not sure what to do about this. Continue reading I KEEP LOOKING OUTSIDE OF MYSELF FOR LOVE AND HAPPINESS

PANCAKES AND BACON MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER

Okay, so this post is not about pancakes and bacon. But I will say that when things in life disappoint you, I think it’s important to take the time to treat yourself. For me, on this day, that translated to pancakes and bacon. We all have things that don’t go the way we want them to. And most of you know by now that my love life has not really been going the way I have wanted it to go. Ever since my breakup six months ago, I’ve been grieving and dating. Dating and grieving. And I’m doing pretty great, all things considered. However, today, the day this guy decided to let go of things, is a day I needed to give myself some pancakes and bacon. And just let myself feel bummy. So, that’s what I’m doing. Continue reading PANCAKES AND BACON MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER

CHILDLESS, SINGLE WOMEN OVER 40 GET NO LOVE

I really don’t want to tackle this post, because it’s not something I love thinking about. However, I do think it’s important to bring this perspective into the light. Since it’s not spoken about very often. At least, I don’t come across it very often. Because the truth is, single women over 40 who do not have children, really have a rough time holding their heads high in society. At least, I do. And it’s a tricky topic because women have all sorts of reasons for being over 40 and childless. Some women are there by choice, and others, not so much. But I think there are a LOT of childless, single women over 40, and I think they hide out like I do, managing their shame and embarrassment behind closed doors. And this blog post is my way of attempting to overcome at least a little bit of those negative feelings. Continue reading CHILDLESS, SINGLE WOMEN OVER 40 GET NO LOVE

EMERGING LIKE A PHOENIX IN MY ROMANTIC LIFE

I’m going to keep this post a bit vague and brief (I think), because I don’t exactly know what’s happening yet. However, I’ve been feeling really, really good lately. Despite being 5 months out of a heart-wrenching breakup. And over the last few weeks, I feel like I’ve been emerging like a Phoenix in more ways than one. But I’ve been most Phoenix-like when it comes to my romantic life. And I’ve honestly been thinking, feeling, and doing things I’ve NEVER done before! It’s truly amazing what happens when unexpected loss happens in life. If we can surrender to the grieving process and tap into our hearts. Continue reading EMERGING LIKE A PHOENIX IN MY ROMANTIC LIFE

IT’S TIME TO LET MY EX GO, FOR REAL

It’s going on almost five months now since I Lost My Dream Life 12 Days Before Christmas when my ex broke up with me. And I’ve been working through my grief in such a positive way. I have reached a point where I can go a few days without crying, can experience utter joy, and feel hope for the future. However, over the last week, I was starting to feel more intense sadness about him. Sadness I hadn’t felt since the very beginning of my grieving process. And I started to wonder if this was possibly him and not me. I’ll explain more below. And so, even though there’s a huge part of me that doesn’t want to, I realized yesterday that I need to let my ex go at a much deeper level. And this involves mustering up the courage to do a cord cutting. Continue reading IT’S TIME TO LET MY EX GO, FOR REAL

THE TEARS ARE STILL FLOWING, BUT IT’S OKAY

I was on my couch last night, having a perfectly fine evening. My belly was full after eating a delicious meal of chick pea masala, brown rice, a salad, and a glass of wine. And I was sitting down to watch the finale of Spring Baking Championship on Food Network. When quite suddenly, I just began crying, and crying, and crying. And it still kind of amazes me that after almost 5 months following my heart-wrenching breakup, the tears are still flowing. But, it’s okay, and I’m okay. Continue reading THE TEARS ARE STILL FLOWING, BUT IT’S OKAY

I THINK I’VE ENTERED THE ANGER STAGE OF GRIEF

I don’t know if any of you have noticed lately, but my posts have been a bit more fiery, a bit more intense, and let’s face it, a bit more angry. I noticed it as well, but didn’t really think much of it. Until my therapist yesterday, ever so gently, suggested that I might be a bit more angry than usual. And that it might be because I’ve entered into the anger stage of grief, since I’ve been managing the pain and sadness of my recent breakup for several months now. As soon as she said that, I felt a strong YES within, and this felt very validating. She had noticed that I was just saying things with a bit more disgust. And this had been different than how she had seen me normally share things with her. So, yeah, in case you’ve noticed it as well, I think this is what’s happening folks. And guess what? I think it’s great! Continue reading I THINK I’VE ENTERED THE ANGER STAGE OF GRIEF

FINDING OUR WAY TO LOVE

This is the fifth post of my “Real and Raw” guest post series. And I love that Chartel Findlater decided to tackle my favorite topic of all…relationships! And honestly, when you read her beautiful words, you will find that this is less about relationships and dating, and more about self-love and growth. Chartel speaks like a goddess. A goddess who has suffered some blows, walked away with some battle scars, yet picked herself up and kept going. I could cry just thinking about how WORTH IT we all are, despite how hard things can get sometimes. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart and intimacy. Continue reading FINDING OUR WAY TO LOVE