Ever since I Lost My Dream Life 12 Days Before Christmas, I have been on an intense healing journey. Actually, I could say that I’ve been on a healing journey for most of my life. However, this journey was kicked into high gear when I was abruptly dumped by the person I thought I would be with forever. And as I’ve been processing the grief, the rejection, and the unbearable pain of missing him, I’ve also been reexamining myself. I’ve really been taking a look at the way I feel about myself, and how I much I love myself. And when I REALLY and truly take a good look at this, I see there is so much more room to expand. And only because I have been hearing about this idea so much lately, have I really begun to consider the concept of how to fall in love with yourself.
THE UNIVERSE SHOWS YOU WHERE TO GO
When my mother passed away in 2017, I didn’t know what to do with myself, and needed to immerse myself in something. So, I read all of the Harry Potter books. And it was a great way to keep me occupied with something happy while I was going through such grief.
I didn’t realize it at first, but I think my recent deep dive into learning about tarot, has been my immersion therapy, post-breakup. I signed up for Lindsay Mack’s Tarot School and it’s been such a lovely thing to focus on. Because her style of teaching and interpreting the tarot is very gentle, very trauma-informed, and super loving. And in one of her lessons, she was talking very deeply about the concept of what it is to fall in love with yourself. What that feels like and what that actually looks like. And it kind of blew my mind. Because I realized that I wasn’t really in a place of self-love. At least, not to the degree that she was introducing.
Follow what interests and intrigues you, and this will help you on your healing journey. I didn’t sign up for this course in order to heal. And yet, she’s showing me ways to heal on a daily basis. And all because I just signed up for this thing that I thought would be fun.
TALKING OUT LOUD TO YOURSELF IS REALLY POWERFUL
I also started doing something after my breakup that I have never done before. And that is, I started talking out loud whenever I was experiencing painful emotions.
Now, I don’t really know if there is any science behind any of this. But there is something so powerful and comforting about opening my mouth, and using my voice, to express my emotions, when I’m alone and spiraling in pain. I know my ex used to talk to himself out loud all of the time, and for him, it was absolutely a self-soothing technique. And he was a therapist, so he must have learned that somewhere legitimate.
“When the sonic vibration of the voice matches the vibrational frequency of the emotions held in your body, your cells recognize that frequency which sets off a physical and emotional reaction, and you have the opportunity to let go of some of what you’ve been holding on to.”–Your Whole Voice
I think this technique can really be helpful at any time. However, I’ve really only been using it when I’m kind of hysterically sobbing. In order to calm me down. It’s like all of a sudden, there’a voice from the outside, talking to my insides. And suddenly, I don’t feel as alone, and instead begin to feel strong once I do it for a few minutes. The first minute or so of doing this is really just about processing the pain. But, when I keep doing it, I start to feel better, and released, and unloaded.
However, I also think that when I do this, I’m activating that fall in love with yourself vibe. And it feels so powerful. Because if you were standing next to a loved one who was sobbing in pain, OF COURSE you would want to do everything to make them feel better. And that’s the power of self-talk. It’s embodying the same kind of love flow that you experience in the presence of another.
WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF?
When I think about how I feel towards someone I’m in love with, I think of several feelings. In general, I never want to hurt their feelings. And I feel positivity towards them, and instantly want to support them. I enjoy being close to them physically, and I think very highly of them overall.
However, how often are we really projecting any of those beautiful love vibes onto ourselves?
I recommend you say these questions out loud to yourself, and then answer them out loud as well. Getting used to self-talk is an easy practice that gets easier over time.
DO I PROTECT MYSELF FROM HURTING MY OWN FEELINGS?
This could look like you catching yourself in a moment of negative self-talk. And redirecting your thoughts to instead comfort yourself, buck yourself up, and assure yourself of your worth.
DO I FEEL POSITIVITY TOWARDS MYSELF?
This could be reflected in the thoughts you have about yourself when you look in the mirror. Or in general, when you’re walking down the street. How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel like you are worthy of this world? Or, do you sometimes wonder if you belong here?
HOW DO I SUPPORT MYSELF?
When times are tough or something goes wrong, what do you do for yourself? Do you push through, even when your body is screaming? Do you punish yourself with words or substances? Or, do you take care of your body and go gentle with the self-talk?
DO I LIKE BEING IN MY OWN BODY?
When I was in a spiral the other day, I actually made myself hug myself. Because I was trying to give myself as much love as I could muster. And in addition to all the self-talk I was doing, mostly out loud, I wanted to care for my body as well. It’s a weird thing to step outside of your body, and feel what it feels like to hug yourself, or gently touch yourself. How often do you take tender care of your physical being, and treat it the way you would a lover?
DO I THINK HIGHLY OF MYSELF?
In general, what do you think of yourself? Do you think you are pretty great? Or, are you only ever thinking of the negative things about yourself.
FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF EVERY DAY
I honestly never realized how I really felt about myself, until I started talking to myself out loud. Because when I actually talk to myself out loud, and say nurturing things to myself, I realize how NOT often I treat myself with care. And I don’t even consider myself a super self-hater. I boost myself up fairly often, and in general, I think I’m pretty decent. But, the real and true way to fall in love with yourself, is to examine that self-talk.
I have discovered recently that for most of my life, I’ve done a lot of outward self-love stuff. For instance, I have always taken good care of my body, I’ve always had pretty healthy boundaries with people, and I have never been afraid to stand up for myself. However, some of that stuff was also masking some of my deep, inner, self-hate. And walking around like a thoroughly confident person, was really just to compensate for all the things that I thought were missing on the inside. And that shit doesn’t heal overnight. That hole doesn’t fill up from taking bubble baths and repeating affirmations (although I love affirmations and highly recommend them). No, this healing takes time, and it requires a complete shift from within.
Listen to my podcast episode 23. Attempting To Uncover How I Really Feel About Myself.
So, to start with, I can first forgive myself for fake loving myself for all of these years. That’s okay, and I know I was doing the best I could with what I had. But, moving forward, I want to reach a new level of love for myself. And out of all of the healing tools I have pulled out of my tool box over the years, self-talk seems to be the most transformative for me at this time. And I highly recommend this practice to all who feel inspired to give this a try!
THANK YOU FOR READING!
So, are you willing to give the self-talk exercise a try? Have you ever practiced self-talk out loud? And what does it mean to you to fall in love with yourself? Did I miss anything, and what has been your experience? I would love to know!! xo
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Featured photo by kevin turcios on Unsplash
Tarot photo by Viva Luna Studios on Unsplash
Woman in a mirror photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash