USING AFFIRMATIONS IN A WAY I NEVER HAVE BEFORE

I was driving home from my sister’s house last night, and I was feeling pretty good. Considering it’s been two months since being broken up with, I think I was in very good spirits. Then a song came on that made my cry. No big deal, songs make me cry all of the time these days, and that’s okay. But I realized that right after I gathered myself, my cheeks still wet with tears, I started obsessing about romance. And I noticed that it’s this thing that I do, that I have historically done, when I’m in pain. So, on this occasion, instead of letting the obsessions play out, I started using affirmations, saying them out loud to myself in that moment. And these affirmations really seemed to neutralize my emotions, and level me out.

A BRIEF OVERVIEW OF MY HISTORY WITH FANTASY AND OBSESSION

For a deep dive, you can check out my article, “Oops, I Did It Again, And Repeated My Love Mistakes.”

Essentially, turning to fantasy and obsession about romance was my way of coping with my traumatic childhood. And in moments of fear or anxiety, I would instantly start daydreaming about my Prince Charming coming to save me someday. Over the years, it turned into obsessing and fantasizing about anything from men in general, to specific men, dating and love in general, and even heartbreak. As long as it was under the umbrella of romance, it kept me occupied. And this mild but distinct addiction has stayed with me for decades. I have definitely made lots of headway in this area. And really, when I’m feeling pretty good, I don’t turn to obsession. But, when I’m under emotional duress, I just go there without even thinking about it. And last night, I caught myself. And I decided that I really wanted to find a way to reprogram this urge. Because I don’t think it’s serving me as a goddess in the making.

MOVING FORWARD

You know, it really does feel good to wallow. And after a massive blow, like a heartbreak, or a death, or some other kind of loss, I do believe it’s really important not to force the grieving process. And where I’m at now, two months after heartbreak, is just where I’m at. However, I think I have moved past the wallow phase. And I’m now in a place of kind of just living with the pain every day. It doesn’t grip me as tightly as it did a month ago. But it’s also certainly still there. I notice it, and don’t try to push it away anymore. Sometimes, I do find myself still trying to make sense of it all. Still trying to understand, or rationalize, or backtrack. But, in general, I allow my sadness to come up when it comes up, and I just accept that this feels shitty right now. For me, I think this is incredible progress.

I do also have my eyes on my future. And my gaze is not laser sharp or super energized. But it’s just kind of forward facing, and a little bit foggy. And when I look towards my future, of course, there is a big part of me that is accepting the fact that I will eventually start dating again. Because I do want to find a long-term partner. And as I’m facing forward towards this inevitability, I’m really trying to be careful to consider how I can take advantage of this healing time. This alone time is so precious and valuable, and I want to give myself the time I need to properly regroup. So I can enter back into the dating world even better, and stronger, and healthier than I have ever been before. And this mindset has been leading me to the practice of using affirmations.

USING AFFIRMATIONS

I have been using affirmations for years, actually. And I am always so amazed by the brilliant simplicity of this practice. I think people tend to write off affirmations as a kind of useless, corny, and not very effective self-help tool. But seriously, have you ever tried it? And, are you certain you’re using affirmations correctly?

Here are a few things to consider when using affirmations:

YOU NEED TO GET THE WORDING JUST RIGHT.

THE PHRASE SHOULD BE IN FIRST PERSON (I, MINE, ME), ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I LIKE USING SECOND PERSON (YOU, YOUR) AS IF MY HIGHER SELF IS TALKING TO MY LOWER SELF.

THE PHRASE HAS TO MAKE YOUR HEART SING AND/OR MAKE YOU FEEL RELAXED, OR ENERGIZED, AND IN GENERAL, GOOD OVERALL.

THERE ARE SOME AFFIRMATIONS THAT CREATE SOME RESISTANCE WITHIN, THAT WHEN YOU SAY THEM, YOU DON’T QUITE BELIEVE THEM. KEEP WORKING WITH THOSE UNTIL YOU DO!

IT REALLY HELPS TO PLACE YOUR HAND ON YOUR HEART WHEN USING AFFIRMATIONS.

TRY TO AVOID STATEMENTS IN THE NEGATIVE. FOR EXAMPLE, INSTEAD OF “I AM NOT LONELY” YOU CAN SAY “I AM FREE FROM LONELINESS,” OR “I AM SURROUNDED BY LOVE.”

SAYING THEM OUT LOUD IS IDEAL. BUT YOU CAN ALSO SAY THEM IN YOUR HEAD OR WRITE THEM DOWN.

AFFIRMATIONS DON’T WORK OVERNIGHT, BUT THEY DO WORK OVER TIME, SO KEEP USING THEM AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

If you’ve never used affirmations, I would say creating them so they are just right FOR YOU is the hardest part. But, once you’ve created a few that really make your soul relax and your heart open, then, all you have to do is remember to use them!

7 AFFIRMATIONS THAT HAVE BEEN HELPING ME LATELY

Throughout my life, I have used different affirmations for different things. And they SHOULD change, as I change. For now, the ones that I’ve been using, are ones that I’ve never really used before. And I believe right now I’m working with quite a bit of root chakra healing. As well as some deep self-love and self-worth healing, that I wasn’t even aware of. My recent breakup has unearthed all of this. And what are breakups for if not to learn from and heal?

I expand upon this in my podcast episode, “Attempting To Uncover How I Really Feel About Myself.”

So, these are the affirmations that I used last night, as I was driving with tears, and trying to pivot. They truly and instantly calmed me down, and I really felt their power very immediately. I would like to begin to practice using them whenever I find myself entering into fantasy/obsession mode. Because the fantasies and obsessions are really there to just mask the wounds. And if I can really look at those wounds, and shower them with a bit of love, I think I can really let go of some of the gunk. Gunk that’s been holding me back, keeping me small, and making me lead my life with fear. I no longer want that. I want a life full of hope, and love, and strength, and adventure. And those things don’t mix very well with fear.

So, here we go. These seven affirmations just kind of came to me in my moment of need, and felt really amazing to say. So, I trust that these are the affirmations that I need to be using at this time.

1. I AM OKAY

2. I AM GOOD

3. I AM COMPLETE

4. I AM WHOLE

5. I AM SAFE

6. I AM A PERSON

7. I AM LOVABLE

One of the reasons why these particular affirmations have been so helpful is because when I’m in fantasy/obsession mode, I have left my body in a way. Which is what I did during traumatic moments in my childhood. Because it was just too overwhelming and painful to be that present with myself and my circumstances. So, these particular affirmations have been really helpful in gently bringing me back into my body, in a safe and comfortable way. So I can kind of train myself to stay with myself when I am in pain. And so I don’t leave my reality to escape into an unhealthy place. These affirmations all felt really “right” to say in that moment in my car. And I just kept repeating them, for a few minutes, until I calmed down.

However, I continued with them this morning and I also added a new one. And I realized that this new one is tripping me up a bit. Because when I say it, I am really struggling to believe it in my bones. Even though logically I know it’s true, I still feel resistance to it. Which means there is much room to heal in this area. The affirmations is:

I DESERVE TO BE HERE

Meaning, I deserve to be in this world. I deserve to take up space and exist. So, the fact that I’m feeling resistance to this, is an indication to me that my root chakra is really struggling. The energy of the root chakra is all about basic needs, security, and literally being alive in this world. This root chakra energy is made up of our most fundamental beliefs about our literal existence. And I suppose right now, some of my deep-seated beliefs about my worth in this world, are in question. And that’s okay, that is what healing is for. But, I need to keep saying this one, working with this one, and perhaps even come up with some other ones to support it, such as:

I AM HERE

I AM ALIVE

These feel a bit better to me when I say them. And these affirmations are kind of making their way to “I Deserve To Be Here.” Every once in awhile, I will try to say that one again, and see if I still feel resistance to it. And the more I do it, and the more I work with the other supporting affirmations, the closer I will get to feeling more aligned with this one. It just takes time.

For more information about chakras and chakra healing, I really recommend Sarah Bright’s podcast, Your Chakra Coach. I listen to it all the time, and learn something new with every episode.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

So, how do you feel about using affirmations? Have you ever tried it? And do you think it sounds like something you might want to learn more about? I can’t say enough about them, and I can’t stress how UNDERRATED they are as a healing tool! I do hope you try them if you ever find the need! Let me know your thoughts, I would love to hear! xo

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PHOTO CREDITS

Featured photo by Yousef Espanioly on Unsplash

Butterfly photo by AARN GIRI on Unsplash

In Pursuit of Magic photo by Karly Santiago on Unsplash